This Blunt Mama is headed back to work

My daughter turned one. This means many things but one of the things that makes me most excited is that it means mat leave has come to an end and it’s time to go back to work.

Please don’t misunderstand, I love my children but being with them all day, every single damn day is slowly killing my soul. I need to have more in my life just being a mom. I know this will sound terrible to some, and go ahead and judge me, I probably judging you right back. It’s what we do.

Here’s the thing, I’m fairly certain that once I go back to work, I will no longer be crazy, yelly mommy. The things that make me crazy and yelly will no longer make my brain hurt (you can only have your toddler pee on you on purpose so many times before you lose your mind).

Now I will have a new focus, and other problems, adult problems, to deal with. So when I do come home to be with my babies I will appreciate the time and maybe even laugh at their hilarious tantrums instead of hiding in the closet. Maybe.

I will also be able to stop asking my husband for his bank card every time I want to load up my Starbucks card (anyone that tells me that I should be drinking cheaper or at home coffee can go to hell), nope I’ll be making my own income again and loading my card and buying new Fluvog boots whenever I god damn please.

I will no longer be walking around with snot marks on my shoulder and puke stains on my jeans. I also, will not be with my toddlers 24/7.  It’s exhausting and I want a break. Work will be that break. I’ll actually be doing my hair like a normal person and getting dressed on a regular basis, no more yoga pants! Well, except for weekends, and you know,  night time. I won’t be having to pee with the door open, so I can make sure the kids can see me and mostly I can see them. Oh, to pee with the door closed, even if it means having to do so in a public bathroom at the office.

Bliss, pure bliss I tell ya.