I Pawn My Kids Off Whenever I Get The Chance

“I never let anyone else watch my kids. I just don’t feel comfortable leaving them with anyone besides me or my husband,” says my irksome mom frenemy.

I just smile, grab my kid, and take him to the swings to get the hell away from her. I can’t handle her today. The other day she was griping about how she never gives her kids juice because one of them got a cavity before he entered kindergarten. Gasp! However, the idea that she never lets anyone besides her husband take care of her kids is drawing the line on any possibility of her and me actually becoming real friends.
I pawn my kids off whenever I get the chance.

My husband’s mom is that woman that was born to be a grandmother. The woman started showing me her collection of antique baby clothes and toys I think maybe on my third date with my husband. She would have to wait another nine years to get her long-awaited first grandchild out of me. I was 19 when we started dating for Christ’s Sake!

Fast forward six months into new motherhood, and my MIL probably had my son more than I did. You see, he had the worst case of colic anyone has probably ever lived through and I had equally as bad postpartum so you can see my need for some backup.

From that period on, whenever she’s asked to take him I’ve never said no. I even came to look forward to the days when he’d go visit grandma during the time his daddy was at work. I’d binge watch a show or sleep the entire day. It was god damn amazing to be able to do whatever I wanted to do again. It reminded me of the days before I became a mom.

Four years later, I now have another drooling cherub that will one day soon utter the words “mama” in my direction. Though, baby two is easier than little boy one, he is still a baby. And babies don’t sleep in case you haven’t heard? My progeny in particular.

This time around my own mom is more in the mix now that she’s retired and has more free time to chase rugrats around. So, I have another person to hand my children off to now. It’s quite wonderful.

I love my kids. I really, really do. But, I also really, really love my alone time. I also love the time my husband and I get to have together when they are both gone. I love having time to sit, think and process the chaos that has become my life. That time makes me a better person. It makes me a better mom.

I know that my little people are in safe and loving arms. I know that they are being loved and cared for by people that care deeply and fiercely for them. I would leave them with a qualified sitter too, if I had the need for one. I know plenty of people that do that too. Not everyone has a fleet of grandmas waiting in the wings after all.

I cannot stand that mom at the park that preaches and preaches about how she never pawns off her kids. To me, it is just a lie. Either that or she is just a glutton for punishment. Mind you, I know this bitch can afford a sitter.

My hat is truly off to the parent that can do it all by themselves. I will be the first to admit that I cannot. I have no fucking shame in that either. My kids are happy, healthy, well-rounded little squirts and that’s all that matters. Also, there mom doesn’t have to drink every single day to cope with her life, like that mom from the park.

Hailing from the Adirondack Mountains of Upstate New York, Britt has a background in Human Services and Child Development. Married to her Army vet/superhero husband Kevin, they are kept busy raising their two beautiful boys, one of which who is on the autism spectrum, in their cabin in the woods (really in the subdivision). She is also a mom to two angel babies. You can find her first self-published novel, “Promises of Pineford” on Amazon and Lulu. Pretending to workout at the gym, obsessing over her pets, binge watching television shows and secretly wishing she was a Vampire Slayer are just some of her hobbies.