Pay Love Forward

I was standing in line at Walmart when I first met old-man Joe. I call him Joe, by the way, because I honestly have no idea what his name is. You see, Joe wasn’t looking to make a life-long friend when I found him at checkout. He was chatting the ear off the harried young cashier trying without success not to nod and say “Uh-huh” while he went on about the weather and the plans he had for his purchases.

I offered to get him a coffee and have a sit down with him, but he had places to be. He thanked me for my offer, smiled, patted my hand and wished me a Merry Christmas.

While I didn’t get to know Joe, I hope it cheered him up a little bit to get the offer. Certainly I’m sure he has no idea the impact this 5 minute fiasco had on me. Joe was looking for a human connection. He wanted someone to acknowledge that he existed. He wanted to be something other than just another face in the herd of humanity.

I know this, because I have been Joe. I have been just another random person seeking human interaction, usually getting fluffed off.

As a writer, I reach out to hundreds—thousands–of people every day. I have social media, I have my site, I have my groups of fellow bloggers on Facebook, and yet sometimes I’m as lonely as old-man Joe, trying to strike up a short conversation about the weather with whoever happens to be nearby. Communication is not the same as interaction. Interaction involves presence and connection.

Maybe even a little eye contact.

It’s a strange reality. We live in this world of fabulous portable communications technology. We are connected so conveniently, but we are more isolated from each other than ever before. Free time has become a precious commodity that we hoard to ourselves, and interaction with each other is something that we’ve taken to squeezing into stolen minutes to gossip at the water cooler or quick text messages to our spouses.

Our society has gotten us so out of sync with one another that we back-pat ourselves over buying a coffee for the stranger in the car behind us, or over giving a few bucks to the person in front of us who is a little short on cash. Then we go on our merry way, cursing at other drivers and griping about our colleagues. These “pay-it-forward” acts that we sometimes label “good deeds of the day” are acts of unthinking generosity of the wallet; they are kind gestures quickly performed and forgotten, and in the end they don’t usually have much of an impact on others.

Don’t get me wrong, I love pay-it-forward as much as the next person. But… it would be far better to see acts of mindful generosity of spirit. This holiday season. Anytime at all. I know we all want to make a better connection with one another. Why else would we get all misty over some of the good PR videos about making friends with a stranger in a ball pit or watching a kid become Batman for a day?

Put down the phone and reach out and touch someone. I challenge you to take at least 10 minutes out of every day to perform a random act of thoughtfulness to someone you do know. Bring a flower to a co-worker who is feeling blue. Take someone you’d like to know better out to lunch. Compliment someone… behind their back.

Then pay it forward. Have a real conversation with someone in line. Swap recipes with a stranger. Buy a coffee for an elderly person… and sit with and talk to them. Share a real connection every day with another human being outside your private inner circle, whether it’s someone you know or not.

And if you ever run into Joe, tell him he’s not alone in this world.