Stereotypes of a Single Mother

*Sigh*

The looks of sympathy or pity I receive are endless. I’m going to be honest, it’s kind of annoying.

Yes, I am a single mother and NO I did not choose to be one. I wanted a family for my son, like any other mother would want. Life didn’t work out the way I planned and that’s that. Life goes on.

What I hate are the stereotypes that come with being a single mother.

Such as:

1. We got what we deserve.

How the hell could anyone say that as a generalization? I know some mothers who are single because the father passed away. Some had to flee violence. Every woman’s story is different and you should take the time to listen to them before making yourself look like an ass.

Truth is, we single moms rarely get what we deserve: a medal for doing twice the work and dealing with ignorant people shunning us for picking up the pieces and carrying on.

2. We are easy.

There is nothing easy about raising a child alone, and certainly dating and a sex life are last on our list. That kid of ours, that’s who sits at the top. So if you think that catching our attention, showing us that you are worth our time, waiting for us to arrange a sitter and making a good enough impression on us AND our kid is easy, then sure. We’re super easy.

3. We are on welfare or broke.

Many of us do just fine. But of course, there are times when we are broke. And when I say broke, I mean bills are paid, our kid has food, clothes, diapers, and all the other essential items. What do you expect when we only have one person bringing home an income?

Single-handedly supporting a family is not easy, especially when it was never part of the original plans. Some mother’s genuinely need the help from the government and that is alright. When that happens, 99% of us work hard and get off as soon as we can.

4. We just did it for the child support checks.

Let me be clear: No mother is going to have a damn child for child support checks. Some of us don’t even get child support! Raising a child takes time, energy, attention and last of all money. Child support checks don’t begin to cover it.

Fathers should contribute as much as they can. Unfortunately, making that happen often takes even more time and patience. Patience to give the father time to make things right by supporting his child. When our time and patience runs out, the courts have to intervene and make him pay. That is how “child support” happens and that is not our fault.

5. We hate our child’s father.

No we do not hate our child’s father. We had a child with him, right? Sometimes we hate their behavior. We hate the fact that they put us in this situation. But once upon a time, we didn’t hate him. We saw something there that made us want to have a child with him. We just could not have predicted this future.

6. We are raising our kids in broken homes.

Sometimes the broken home is the one we left, not the one we created on our own. Raising our children in single parent homes just means that we have to work that much harder to make sure that our kids get all of the care, attention, love and nurturing that they need. Most of us single moms work double-time at parenting to make sure this happens. It is only when we can’t, when the burdens of trying to do all of this ourselves gets to be too much, that the home breaks. So how about giving us a helping hand instead of a slap in the face?

7. We’re just looking for the next man to care for our child.

Just sit back and think about that assumption for a minute. Why the hell would we want another man to take care of our child when we already have one who doesn’t? We’re not trying to pass off that responsibility to the next man that comes along. It’s would not be fair nor right.

Being a single mother is not easy, it is by far one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I love my son beyond words. When someone judges me and puts me in a category simply because I am not with my son’s father, it cuts me to the core. We hurt like everyone else. We struggle like everyone else because our child depends on our every move. We give and love double as much to compensate for the father is not there, yet we hurt double because the father is not there. I will not be ashamed because I am a single mother.

I have earned everything I have by myself, so please do not try and take that away.

About the author: Kae James blogs at http://www.wheresmypacifier.com and can also be found at http://www.facebook.com/wheresmypacifier and http://www.twitter.com/wheremypacifier.