• A can of creamed corn
  • a Q-tip
  • Line dancing in gym class
  • The Epilady
  • Charo
  • Hammer toes
  • A pierced nether region
  • Expressions like “you do you”
  • A porcelain figurine
  • A mollusk
  • A pigeon in a pillbox hat
  • Three cocktail weenies
  • A giblet
  • Words I forget how to pronounce like ‘scythe’ or ‘schism’ or ‘oeuvre’
  • A genuine shrunken head
  • Esperanto
  • Danny Trejo’s mustache
  • A sea cucumber
  • The sound “tsk tsk tsk”
  • An under-ripe cantaloupe
  • A Hello Kitty pencil
  • Circus peanuts
  • An Allen wrench
  • A handful of skin flakes
  • The Great Gazoo
  • Three more cocktail weenies
  • A bust of Margaret Thatcher
  • A wonky eye
  • Whichever ‘Rocky’ had the Russian in it
  • A Royal Caribbean cruise
  • Aunt Evelyn’s Waldorf salad
  • A boy named Sue
  • Over-eyecontact
  • Any muppet, but preferably Gonzo
  • A robin’s egg
  • A Swedish meatball
  • Lots of chin hairs
  • The garter part of a wedding reception
  • Chisanbop
  • A cornhusk doll
  • That piña colada song followed by that mony mony song
  • Spritz cookies
  • Sea monkeys
  • A walnut coupled with a brazil nut
  • ‘Goodnight Moon’. Again. And again.
  • Vin Diesel
  • Nougat
  • Alanis Morrissette lyrics
  • A caboodle
  • A Barbie shoe
  • Vegemite
  • A pointy stick
  • An invitation to attend a neighbor’s church
  • Violet Beauregarde
  • A small unplayable trombone
  • A lone acorn
  • Shirley Temple and ‘Bojangles’ Robinson dance scenes
  • Carrot Top’s eyebrows
  • Velveeta
  • The word ‘moist’
  • Something moist
  • A recurring nightmare where my teeth fall out
  • A goiter
  • A knuckle
  • Tony Orlando and/or Dawn
  • Saran wrap
  • Grout
  • The nickname ‘Crusty’
  • Danny Zuko
  • Gluten-free pasta
  • A Milwaukee Badgers shot glass
  • Rosemary’s baby
  • A fanciful ascot
  • A sparrow
  • A chicken bone
  • Any Thomas Kinkade painting
  • An empty Pringles can
  • A stale hotdog bun
  • The tiger that attacked Siegfried or Roy
  • Salad tongs
  • That fish with human teeth
  • A lecture on abstinence

susie b cross
Author

susie b cross is a high school teacher on sabbatical for one+ short and fruitful decade. She is also a mom, a wife, a tennis player and a Real Housewives watcher. Fairly new to writing for a real live audience, she has been lucky enough to have been published in Bluntmoms, Ravishly, Thought Catalog, Scary Mommy, Grown and Flown, and The Mighty. You can read more of her writing (some goofy, some not) under Susie Bonzo https://m.facebook.com/susie.bonzo?tsid=0.02644151746690382&source=result

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