The Advice I Never Thought I Would Need

This season Manulife is creating a movement of gratitude and paying it forward kindness during the Christmas season. We hope that by sharing our stories (as varied as they are) of #LifeAdvice and #gratitude we can amplify the conversation and encourage more people to think of sharing these types of kind gestures over the holidays.

Life advice sometimes comes to you in funny ways, and while some of our stories may seem a little strange, they all contain advice that we feel strongly about. BLUNTmoms is here to show that even on a bad day, there is something good that can occur, and that simple things sometimes make the biggest impact in your life

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Shortly after my twins turned 2, one of the girls, Maggie, was diagnosed with Autism.  Although we had to wait for a bit to get in to see the pediatrician, and I knew in my head that it was true, my heart hadn’t quite caught up.  

My heart was still desperately grasping the moments from almost a year ago that were already starting to feel like I had dreamt them or plucked them from the plot of a TV movie.  Moments like when she did all the actions to the song Wheels on the Bus, or how I had taught her to blow kisses.  I was positive these things had happened, but how could they have, when at that moment, at 2 years old, she could no longer do those things?  

There was no more eye contact.  Now there was babbling and repetitive arm movements.  “She’s in her own little world,” was no longer a quirk that she would outgrow. I knew these things in my head. But my heart wanted to believe the people who said that I worry too much and that she was just on her own schedule.

My heart broke that day in the pediatrician’s office. There was no hope. She wasn’t just on her own schedule. The doctor was sure. We had the option of going to a specialist for a more extensive evaluation and diagnosis, but the wait-list was going to be at least a year, and the doctor knew she was right.  WE knew she was right.  We didn’t need more confirmation.  We needed to get started treating this.  Everyone always says that early intervention is critical.  We needed a plan.  Even if it was just to make me feel better and feel like we were doing something.  I had to do something.

I drove to the office of the local autism support organization.  They would be able to tell me what to do.  Closed.  I drove to the library.  They had about 5 books that looked like they had been there since the year the library was built. 

Our pediatrician, Dr. G, called me at home every day with new wait-lists and services that she had heard about.  She even joked and apologized about stalking me.  I assured her that she could break into our house in the middle of the night if it was going to help Maggie.  Or if she brought ice cream. We traded information regularly while we navigated the confusing systems, and she built a list of resources so that other families wouldn’t feel so helpless.  She drove over to a therapist’s office that she had heard about and called to tell me that she thought it was the right place for us to start while we waited on the years-long wait-lists for government services.

I went to the office that she suggested, not really feeling as much hope about it as she did.  I spoke with the receptionist, and she set up an appointment with Carolyn, a Speech and Language Pathologist.  Our lives changed that day.  Dr. G was right.

Carolyn taught us how to talk to our daughter.  She taught Maggie how to talk back.  To anyone who hasn’t had a child with speech challenges, it probably sounds ridiculous that we needed a coach to teach us how to talk to our 2 year old.  It felt ridiculous at first.  But we had to learn to strip our language down to the very basics.  To say things consistently.  To use pictures, and incentives.  Carolyn taught us key phrases that we still use 7 years later.  Like first/then statements (first play game…then bubbles), the signs for “more” and “all done” and how to use echolalia to our advantage.  This is the repeating of words or phrases that many children with autism do, and is extremely helpful when we are teaching Maggie how to say a new word.

Maggie still works with Carolyn every week, and has been the consistent professional in her life who knows all her tricks and how to get her to work her hardest.  Her advice on how best to work with Maggie is invaluable when we are changing teachers, starting a new camp, and trying to be consistent at home.

We’re so grateful to Carolyn for all of the advice that she has given us over the years, for our lives, and most of all for Maggie’s.  She’s like a member of our family now.

And Dr. G has given us so many key pieces of life advice over the years, including to start with speech therapy in the first place.  She has been such a support for our family over the years – who ever would have imagined that the initial advice about Maggie was just a taste of the help that she would go on to give us over the years, but that’s ten more posts worth.  The doctor is one of my favourite people on earth, and I regularly have to stop myself from calling her about every decision I need to make.  I’m not sure the climb in my window with ice cream anytime deal was reciprocal.

Some of the most important life advice we’ve been given is not what we ever imagined that we would need before that January day in 2008 when we became autism parents.  One thing that we never need advice on is how much we love our daughter and want her to be happy.

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Visit the Manulife blog for more details on what they are doing to share gratitude this month, or pop onto the #LifeAdvice hashtag on Twitter and start sharing the best life advice YOU have received! 

This post is sponsored by SPLASH Media Engagement on behalf of Manulife. 

@Manulife is asking you to spread some positive by thanking those in your life who have given you great #LifeAdvice. Take a moment to #PayItForward by thanking someone important to you.