It’s almost here: that day devoted to silly jokes, minor messes, and harmless mayhem. The day that my nerdiness is sated by George Takei memes, playful Google Doodles, and an email full of glorious geek products dreamed up in the over-caffeinated, maniacal monkey minds at ThinkGeek.com. April Fools Day is a day meant for fun, laughs, and nerf-ambushes.
It is NOT for thoughtless faux pregnancy announcements that leave me curled up in a ball in the corner of my closet. I’m here to stop them.
By now, I am sure that you’re aware of the trend of cutesy Facebook and Pinterest pregnancy announcements. Pregnancy announcements have been known to provide even un-engaged folks mixed feelings. Sure, most of people are happy for the couple, but still they wonder, “Does this mean that they get to look forward to 7 months of nothing but pregnancy posts?”
They are happy for you, but they don’t really want to have to read about the about the fruit-to-fetus ratio each week. They are really just clicking “Like” on your sonogram picture because they’re nice people, not because they were waiting with baited breath to see if the vaguely head-shaped blob will have your nose or your mother-in-law’s chin.
That is what a “normal” thinks, normal meaning “normal person with no fertility issues.” Do you want to know what your Pinterest-y Facebook pregnancy announcement means for me, someone who has been struggling with infertility for several years now? It feels like I’m being kicked by a whole soccer team… and they have Bruce Lee-like moves.
I am not alone in this – it turns out the feeling is pretty common among people who are experiencing infertility or pregnancy losses. So is the guilt. See, in an added-insult-to-injury twist, we usually feel bad for feeling bad. It’s hard when you know that you are supposed to feel happy for someone – and you do – but you also can’t help feeling sad for yourself. We try to get through our days with as much grace as we can and, quite simply, it is easier to do that when we’re not reminded of what we still DON’T have. Even so, we still can’t help but feel terrible for having a reaction that is anything less than 100% happy for the soon-to-be parents.
That’s how it feels when it’s a REAL pregnancy announcement. What’s our response to a prank one? Well, for me, it’s a combination of sadness and rage. Not anger, rage. Straight-up, kill-all-your-dolls rage. Why? Because there is someone out there that sees all of this as a JOKE. Making a joke out of pregnancy as though it is an inconsequential thing is an insult to all of the people, like me, who get poked and prodded in personal places on the regular for years at a time with nothing but the all-too-fleeting HOPE that we’ll be able to get pregnant.
As for those people who have suffered pregnancy loss… I can’t even go there. If you don’t get it, then I can’t speak in enough small words to explain what someone’s fake pregnancy announcement feels like to someone who lost the child their real pregnancy had promised.
The bottom line is this: there is nothing funny about a pregnancy prank. It’s cruel and insensitive. Anyone who thinks it is a prank is hopelessly out of touch with the amount of pain it can cause. Don’t tell me it’s “just a joke”; just don’t do it.
If you really must be the center of attention, post that you got a full-face tattoo like a normal person.
JoAnne Applebaugh is a freelance writer/blogger who writes the blog I Try: The Additive Property of Happiness. With topics ranging from infertility to baking and aunt-hood to current events, she likes to describe her blog as “eclectic”, or a “hopefully someday Mommy blog”. She lives with her loving and patient husband, and their two less patient cats, about 70 miles the east of St. Paul, MN. You can find JoAnne on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Bloglovin.
10 Comments
THANK YOU. LOVE this. I deal with similar issues. Women who speak flippantly about getting pregnant or take their fertility for granted piss the hell out of me. I actually just posted about a recent experience with it. Feel free to give it a gander if you want to commiserate in mutual infertile rage…
http://www.betweenthemonkeybars.com/2015/03/mf-reincarnated.html
Also, I’m sorry you’re dealing with infertility. It’s the pits.
Thank you for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it. I did stop by your blog and enjoyed your post. 🙂
Thank you, also, for the kind words. Infertility *is* the pits. Hopefully it will someday be a thing of the past, not just for me, but for everyone.
Well said. I never understood the reason anyone found this to be an amusing public joke especially after going through 2 miscarriages myself. Very sorry to read about your own infertility issues.
I am so sorry for your losses. I get that people who haven’t either experienced these things themselves or who haven’t seen someone they care about go through it often just don’t understand how much these things can hurt. That was the real point of the article, to let people know. Once they know then it’s on them to decide if they care… and if they don’t care then it’s up to us to decide how much we can handle having those people in our lives.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for your kind words. 🙂
Well said!
Thanks Nina! Your comment made me smile. 🙂
THANK YOU!
As a woman who tried for three years to get pregnant with no success, the fake announcements send me into fits of rage. It’s bad enough the real ones are frustrating and depressing. No need to add further insult to injury with fake ones.
I am right there with you Kim. I had hoped that explaining how these announcements can make people feel would limit some of them. I like to think it did. At the very least, though, it made a few people feel understood, and that goes a long way to helping people going through these difficult things know they are not alone.
Come on now! This is some “safe space” level bullshit. I didn’t get the promotion I wanted does that mean I get to complain that my feelings are hurt when you get promoted? No,same for pets, kids,buying houses and winning the lottery. I am not insensitive to your loss(es). I have had miscarriages of my own when I truly wanted those children. This does not mean that I get to curtail others behavior and speech in the name of “sensitivity”. No,No,No. It’s pure nonsense. YOU work through your own issues.
Truly Agree with your Point of You Regarding Pregnancy Pranks as they may Result in something really awkward. There are tons of Stories Regarding “Prank Gone Wrong” on the Internet also! Anyway loved Reading your article. Looking Forward to more by You.