I avoid confrontation at all costs.  I’m not a fan of awkward situations or negative attention.

Sometimes I wish I could be braver.  I wish I could say what I was really thinking, but alas, unless I’ve had a few glasses of merlot, chances are I’m being polite, and minding my manners, even if it means my I bite my tongue until it bleeds.

You know who doesn’t have the challenge of being quiet and polite?

Every toddler I have ever met!

I’m envious of the way toddlers have the ability to do whatever they hell they please without an inkling of concern, shame or embarrassment.

Here’s just a few of my favourites:

Clothing

Most of us try our best to make ourselves presentable before we leave the house.  It doesn’t always happen when you have kids to get ready first, but we try.  If we leave looking a mess, we’re very aware of it, getting back home as quickly as possible, praying we won’t run into anyone we know.

My three year old; she’s happy to go out in her Halloween costume and bike helmet in the middle of January. She’s not embarrassed at all!  As a matter of fact, she’s strutting out the front door as if she’s a top model in Paris Fashion Week.

Food

As much as I wish that I had Jamie Oliver’s culinary tricks up my sleeve, things are pretty standard around my house.  If you’re like me, you have your go-to meals that you know your kids will eat, and if you don’t feel like having drama at the dinner table; those crowd pleasing dinners, often find themselves into the regular meal rotation.

So when you go to someone else’s house (who isn’t aware of the sure fire, anti tantrum meals), there is a possibility that you’ll be red faced, wishing there was a mute button for your toddler.

“I don’t like it!” Toddlers will announce loudly.  Or perhaps they’ll prefer to declare, “It’s not good.”  You may have been thinking it yourself, but I bet you want to crawl under the table when your mini food connoisseur sends his or her not so tasteful compliments to the chef!

Anger

If you have a tiny tyke at home, you know what it means to be frustrated.  You know the days; when there’s no reasoning with them, no matter what the issue, or where you are.

The world may be ending because a certain cup is in the dishwasher, or you gave their sibling the piece they wanted.  Look out!

When a two year old is unhappy they will let you know in a way that would land any adult in anger management classes.

Imagine something at the office doesn’t quite go the way you want and you immediately chuck your glass across the room, collapse to the floor like your legs have given out, and start screaming and crying at the top of your lungs.  We’ve all seen it go down in toddler town!

Farts

Remember dating?  The awful feeling of eating too much gassy food and being stuck on a date with Mr. Right-Now.  Your stomach is sounding like a water cooler and you’re really hoping that he keeps rambling on incessantly about nothing, because the sound of his voice is at least covering up the sound of the farts that you can’t let out, gurgling around in your stomach.

My three year old’s approach to passing gas: Loud and proud!  She lets ‘em rip any time; any place.  And just in case you didn’t hear, or smell it, she will also announce that it has happened, so everyone within earshot is aware.

There you have it; a few shining examples of how the mighty toddlers lead the way, doing whatever the hell they please.  If we let them run the show, they’d be badly dressed, rude, temperamental and sticky.  But they wouldn’t give a damn.

Sometimes we parents can be a bit uptight.  We worry too much what other people think. I’m going to try taking a page out of the toddler handbook and loosen up a little.  So if you’re looking for me; I’ll be the carefree Mom, wearing mismatched clothes, tellin’ it like it is, and yes, maybe even claiming my farts.

Lisa Webb
Author

Lisa is the author behind the blog Canadian Expat Mom. She lives in the South of France with her husband and their two French-born daughters. When her family isn’t in the land of wine and cheese, they can be found exploring the globe with far too much luggage. Lisa is currently working on her first novel; a humerous memoir about her adventures in France that will leave you feeling like you just shared a bottle of Bordeaux with your best girlfriend. Follow Lisa on Facebook for more stories of travel and life in France.

4 Comments

  1. Cannot tell you how many times I was embarassed by an unabashedly loud “I’m not fond if this food. It’s awful!” So delightful when it’s at someone else’s table. We are now enjoying similar outbreaks of honesty with my very active and aware 92 year old mom. Whenever I suggest she should tone it down I get “Nonsense! It’s good for them to know the truth!”
    So I’m thinking this honesty trait goes full circle in those of us blessed to live long lives. Yikes!

  2. “I’ll be the carefree Mom, wearing mismatched clothes, tellin’ it like it is, and yes, maybe even claiming my farts”. Hilllarious! I’m really good at the mismatched clothes and tellin it like it is part. Working on the carefree bit. But F that … I’m still blaming the farts on the dog!

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