Every so often, people confuse civil rights with their own emotional needs.
OK. Who am I kidding? People do this every day. And less often, but still too often, they go public with their emotional needs and “stand up” for something that they are against because their life didn’t turn out like they hoped it would.
The latest victim of this travesty of logic and, frankly, of parental shortcomings, is Heather Barwick, a 31-year-old mother of four, who was raised by two lesbians. She decided yesterday to go public in The Daily Mail with her stance against gay marriage. In the article, she says that her father “wasn’t a great guy” and “didn’t bother coming around.”
To this I respond, join the club sister. Half the internet is full of ways in which our parents, biological or not, disappointed us with their shortcomings. Heather says she “loves her mom’s partner, but that never could have replaced the father I lost.”
I feel sad for Heather. Mostly because she feels that she is owed something by a person who apparently didn’t care to have a relationship with her. This happens to a lot of us, Heather. And I also feel sorry for her inbox which is being flooded with supportive email from religious conservatives around the world who want her to come on their cable television show right now.
But Heather, the problem is not gay marriage. Preventing two people who love each other from joining in a legal union will not prevent parental neglect. In fact, in many cases it does just the opposite. It protects nice people who married someone who seemed nice and then turned out to be a dickhead, from taking all your stuff and your kids.
Being against gay marriage will not prevent men from spreading sperm to people with whom they don’t want to have a relationship. Only condoms can do that. Sadly, your parents, who I am guessing really, really wanted you or they wouldn’t have gone to the trouble to have you, accidentally picked someone who didn’t want to have relationship with their biological child. Or maybe they didn’t think that this part would be important to you. I’m sorry it didn’t work out well. Having a biological father (or mother) who doesn’t want to have a relationship with you is not unique to gay marriage. It is unique to humans, and also common in the animal kingdom. If you’re an elephant, the bull will just fuck you and leave.
But seriously, I’m sorry that you are not getting what you want from your relationships, but standing up against gay marriage will not fix this. It’s up to your “dad” to earn his right to even have that title and apparently he doesn’t want it.
1 Comment
Amen to that – I will just never understand how letting two single people who love one another get married could hurt someone else.