Dear Santa,
I have been a very good old lady girl this year. Well if we’re not counting all the cheesies I ate and the cursing. And throwing that candle at the wall was an accident. Twice. But other than that, I have been very well behaved. Even pony-, or dare I say unicorn-, worthy. But that is not what I want for Christmas because I have enough things that poop around here, and let’s face it – a unicorn horn running around the house all willy-nilly would just undo all my heroic child-proofing efforts wouldn’t it? Please don’t leave any of your smelly delightful reindeer behind when you visit either.
While we are on the topic of the reindeer, could you be a dear (not the animal – but rather a sweetheart – forgive me if you understood that – I’m not sure how your spelling and grammar are considering you mostly correspond with children, and write judgmental lists) and check to see if the roofers ever came back to fix the shingles while you are up on the roof? If they have not, then please place them on your naughty list and deliver a load of coal and a family of skunks down their chimneys on your way by.
My children have written some lengthy letters to you, filled with items that their hearts desire. If these lists include anything with more than 3 pieces, glitter, or a doll that requires us to invest in diapers again please burn the letters and forget you ever read them.
1 Comment
Best Santa letter ever!