Disappointed

I know that I expect too much out of people.  I know this yet there doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it. Honestly, I’ve tried.  The only solution I can come up with, that works for me, is to simply not count on people.  If I don’t expect anything of you then you can’t disappoint me.

Why do I have such high expectations?  Well part of it is I just basically think people deserve the benefit of the doubt. I like to believe that people are good.  I know that not all of them are,  but for the most part I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, so if I trust you and you let me down it’s kind of a big deal.

I also blame my mother.  Seriously. Her expectations on me growing up (and beyond) were big.  Far too big for a kid. And it didn’t matter how hard I tried it was never quite good enough.

 But this isn’t about my mother.  This is about you.  You disappointed me.  Hurt me even.

I thought that we were friends.  As different as we are, and we most certainly are, I really felt that we shared a lot of the same values. That we were more or less on the same wave length.  We talked openly and honestly and although I was never under the impression that we were “besties”,  I thought we were friends.

Then something happened.  Not to me or not between us but something happened to you.   And you thought that I didn’t need you anymore.  But you see I wasn’t in it for what you could do for me.  I was in it just because I like you.  The other stuff was icing but to be honest icing is overrated.  It’s sticky and too much of it just leaves you feeling sick. The best part of a cake is not the icing.  It’s the cake.

Maybe you don’t like cake? Or maybe you’ve had enough cake?  I don’t know.

On my disappointment scale this one is pretty minor, because frankly you’d have to do something epic to even hit the top ten.  So, it’s not something I lose sleep about.  But I just thought you should know.