This season Manulife is creating a movement of gratitude and paying it forward kindness during the Christmas season. We hope that by sharing our stories (as varied as they are) of #LifeAdvice and #gratitude we can amplify the conversation and encourage more people to think of sharing these types of kind gestures over the holidays.
Life advice sometimes comes to you in funny ways, and while some of our stories may seem a little strange, they all contain advice that we feel strongly about. BLUNTmoms is here to show that even on a bad day, there is something good that can occur, and that simple things sometimes make the biggest impact in your life
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As a young woman I went through the usual emotional turmoil you would expect. Life happens, and so does bad stuff along the way. Occasionally I would make a big old weeping fuss about that bad stuff. You have done it too I know. Looking back on any of those incidents, they are totally cringe-worthy are they not?
I was told early (but not soon enough, apparently) that nobody really listened when I carried on, clawing at my chest and crying. It may have felt good to get it all out at the time, but at that point the filters are off and you say stuff you don’t mean. Ugly crying and flailing is never a good path to communication or building understanding, it is just a spectacle.
And it isn’t like I didn’t know it was a bad idea to be a screaming Mimi when I was upset. The advice I was given took a while to sink in because I wasn’t quite done squalling yet. I heard the words, but to implement them was so… damned… hard.
I needed to hear this many times:
“When you are upset and angry, take a moment and decide how important it is to share that, and then pick the volume”
So faced with teen drama, boyfriend crap, or problems at work, I would lay waste to whoever had the misfortune to be standing nearby. It didn’t even need to be the target offender and I would still dump a big old bucket of emotionally overflowing and angry vitriol all over their shoes. It was always at volume 11 on a scale to 10.
Over time, I started to notice people backing up with their hands up as I began to spin. I still kind of wonder how some of those boyfriends ever had the intestinal fortitude to come back around after one of my crying jags.
Working in a professional atmosphere was really good for hard-wiring the advice I was having trouble internalizing. I now know that it is possible to be really really upset and keep your cool anyway. Not just the whisper-through-gritted-teeth cool either, I mean actually speaking in full sentences without having tears rapid-firing out of your eyes from ill-restrained rage.
Now I understand that reactions to adversity are a choice made in the moment. I can choose to react with reason and hold off the crying for later. I can let the tears come and speak softly, or I can open up a can of whoop ass and shout down the deserving party. I can make sure to take a deep breath and not make an all-fired fool of myself. Sometimes I can even save the discussion for a time when I have a better chance of not losing it entirely. It is a choice.
It takes a certain sangfroid to be completely enraged and stay calm. It also takes practice and helps to think about how much I value the relationship I am about to blow up with a bomb. For instance, if it is my Mother in Law, caution will abound. However there may be …. ahem…. parking spot thieves who might get a full on slap from my always loaded tongue.
I love the advice now, because I use it to think about what volume I am going to pick for my next words. It gives me that moment to dial down my reaction and make my plan. I notice where I am in the moment and what matters right then and there. Mostly, when given a moment to cool my jets I make way better decisions.
Every once in a while I am so tempted to pull out the shrieking and the tears but then I think about the lonely aftermath, and I turn the volume down.
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Visit the Manulife blog for more details on what they are doing to share gratitude this month, or pop onto the #LifeAdvice hashtag on Twitter and start sharing the best life advice YOU have received!
This post is sponsored by SPLASH Media Engagement on behalf of Manulife.
@Manulife is asking you to spread some positive by thanking those in your life who have given you great #LifeAdvice. Take a moment to #PayItForward by thanking someone important to you.
1 Comment
I’ll see what I can do BUT I’m not making any promises.