Oh, I have regrets, probably about 6 thousand of them. And 3 of them are from today. One was so shocking to me, that I am not even going to tell you about it. And, I feel guilty about it.
But, I feel guilty about every thing. I don’t remember ever feeling this way before having children.
It’s like this almighty switch just went off and changed how I feel.
I have heard people refer to it as Mother’s Guilt. So, for a lack of a better term, that is what I call it.
But, I am not really sure if that is what it is. Maybe it something more.
I have talked to a few friends about it and no one else seems to really “get” how I feel.
I try to explain it, but it feels unexplainable to me.
I feel guilty for showering.
I feel guilty for talking on the phone.
I feel guilty for writing this.
I feel guilty for sleeping.
It’s hard for me to explain. It’s like an empty aching hole in my chest, but its also sort of heavy and it travels to my brain and makes me wince a bit.
I feel it a lot and I hate it. I wonder if its ever going to go away.
That now that I have children, I am forever changed.
And not for the better.