If you’re not in the virginity saving loop, let me enlighten you.
A Purity Ball is an event held for girls who promise their father (the at home one and the one in the sky) to stay “pure” until their wedding night.
The purity movement aims for girls to have their knickers sewn shut. Not because they have been promiscuous, but because they must turn those pulsing vagina beats down.
Girls and their fathers use the Bible, fancy dresses and pretty certificates, promising Daddy that he will be her first and only “love” until marriage. The message is clear that daughters needn’t mess with, hear of, or desire anything that brings pleasure “down there.”
Can’t complain about a Dad who gives a huge shit for his daughter. I mean you can complain that they are control freaks, shaming a girl for being human, but it won’t change anything. It’s much too obvious to point out the mouth gaping problems with purity.
The only way these young girls can actually be protected is if we take a hard long look at what the puritan pushers are so afraid of. Boys.
If the fear is boys, may I suggest sending invites to the young man of house instead? Black tie not optional as we require your attendance to this year’s Respect-a-Ball.
Dads, you’ve got sons. Why aren’t we coveting their purity? If we can wrangle the boner-fest in every young man’s pants, we will not only have a puritan society, but we might solve world peace.
Respect-a-Balls don’t need to lose all the glam and glitz of the Purity Balls. Dress your sons up. Dapper looking lads, whose fathers have raised them to respect not only their balls, but the ladies as well.
Pledge that you will be his best friend until he finds his in marriage. In fact, go a step further and pledge to let your wife have a few nights to herself too.
Now I’m no owner of testicles (well, my husband would say different), but I am sure you can curb your desire, can’t you? At the Respect-a-Balls we could teach sons to manage their horny; we can put it in their own hands, right?
In fact, shouldn’t we encourage boys to find other things rather than girls? Those distracting little minxes. Find a hobby for your son. Or twenty if that’s what it takes. Group date with him and his friends. Bring mom. That’ll stop any van a rockin’.
If you fully expect daughters to dial down their libido, please tell me you think boys can too. I don’t want to hear any science psycho-babble that boys are built different and it’s natural for them to be horny little monsters.
Newsflash: girls are horny little monsters too, sometimes more. So stop trying to bottle up your fears in the form of purifying your daughters. Your sons are the “problem”. Make the pledge to have boys pull their pants up and keep them on.
4 Comments
“wrangle the boner-fest” I nearly spit out my drink! 🙂
Total double standard, but it is unacceptable for girls and okay for boys for whatever reason – or at least more okay for boys. I am pretty sure going to one of those balls should come with 10 years of free therapy.
I think it’s awesome if men AND woman can wait til marriage for sex. It’s a good way to save yourself a whole lot of potential physical and emotional issues. However, I still think the purity ball thing is a little over the top. Make the decision for yourself, it’s between you and God.
Respect-a-balls!!!! Funniest thing I’ve heard in forevah! I’d like to add that I could have used a damn Purity Ball when I was a kid. I didn’t earn an “A” on my shirt, but damn close… Am I the only one that thinks those purity balls and father/daughter vows are weird?