I don’t really like animals.
I never have and I never will, but I still really, really try. I try all the time. Because it seems like everyone has a bloody dog. It’s not that I hate dogs, I don’t. I just don’t like them.
I don’t like them smelling my vagina.
I don’t like them licking my feet.
I don’t like the way they smell.
And mostly I don’t like that I don’t know what they are thinking.
I know you could argue that I don’t really know what anyone is thinking. And I don’t care about your argument.
We had a dog when I was a kid, but it died when I was 5 and then we never got another pet. Well, there was my pet chicken which we named “chicken”. He was awesome for about 3 weeks until a dog ate him. You would think that is where my dislike would come from. But that is not the case. I don’t really like cats either.
My husbands family loves animals. They will sit for hours and talk about all their pets over the years and all the funny things their dogs and cats done/did/do. They tell these stories like folklore and laugh until tears come out of their eyes. For a non animal lover you can imagine how I must look during these long evening of reminiscing about these four legged stink rats.
Before Whirlwind was born, we adopted a cat. She was a fine cat. Yes she freaked me out, but she was good to never really bother me. Yes, I let her sit in my lap. Yes, I fed her. Sometimes I even brushed her.
But, I wasn’t fond of her. So, I got rid of her.
I know I am a really bad human being.
Blah, Blah, Blah. But, truly, I ended up finding a really good home for her. If I was 16 and pregnant and found a good home for my baby you would be praising me. So, leave me alone.
So lately Whirlwind has been asking for a dog and I don’t like where this is heading. I catch her and Zed talking about it and I can see the twinkle in his farm boy eye. He want a doggy.
Listen here, Farm Boy, we are never ever ever getting a dog. The only way we are ever getting a dog is if I become the next Roseanne Barr and have crazy fans who try to break into our home to steal my used razors and chicken wing bones and sell them on ebay. And chances of that happening are pretty good.
So, fine we can get a dog. But, I am not petting that thing.
Kyla Cornish
Twitter: @Mommyisweird https://twitter.com/Mommyisweird
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6 Comments
this is me averting my eyes… I had no idea…well this is awkward.
I have lots of bubbly and totally unhelpful things to say but none of them will flip you to the side of furry and stinky love.
What I will say is that there is a lot of reason for pre-teen and teen kids to have a dog. It is the one entity from which they feel unconditional love. No judgement on them, just adoration. It is good for them. I know.. not what you want to hear, but you knew the pro-doggers would come out of the woodwork for this post right?
But did you read the entire post?
I love animals, but I didn’t want a dog either. It took 5 months for my husband to talk me into getting one. He finally won me over when he said that some of the best memories he has as a kid are with his dog and he wanted the same wonderful memories for Emma.
They’re both pretty happy about our dog. I can see how she brings healing and a kind of love and companionship that you just don’t get anywhere else.
If you do decide to give it, those things will swell your heart.
But the rest of it fucking sucks, man.
Great reply. Thanks for “getting it”.
You’re gonna love it!!! You are.
I was a believer until I got to “I don’t like them smelling my vagina.” Then, I knew that you were shitting me.