I really can’t seem to get my shit together. My shit is a disaster. Totally untogether. In fact, it’s scattered. Strewn across the landscape of my life like a freaking tornado hit a trailer park. My house is trashed, my laundry is in heaps, I’m disorganized and untidy, and I’m wearing the same clothes as two days ago. I’m a mess.
And I see you on Facebook, and I feel even worse about myself. Because your shit is together. At least on Facebook it is. Facebook makes it seem like everyone’s shit is way more together than my shit. Facebook makes it seem like you wear clean clothes and even a bra; like you put on make up every morning; like your kids wear pants and have combed hair; like your kitchen is clean and there aren’t toys all over the floor of your house, like one of Santa’s elves got drunk and had a party. I see you and I look at me and feel sad.
And I know it’s bullshit. Facebook is bullshit. Instagram is bullshit on steroids. And I don’t even know wtf Snapchat is, because not only am I a mess, I’m also old. Point is, I know. I know it’s not real and I know no one puts their worst or even their normal shit on social media. We put our best face forward to show the world. I do too. I crop out messes and only post selfies where my hair looks just the right amount of messy and you can’t see my double chin. The picture is supposed to be of the baby, but his face is all jacked up, he’s blinking or yawning or looking away, but I don’t look like a hobo, so that’s the one that gets posted. It’s all fake. And all of us do it. And all of us, at least i THINK all of us, feel like shit about ourselves when we see everyone else’s fake shit.
Why do we do that? To make ourselves feel better? To make other people think we aren’t a mess, too? What would happen if we were honest? We talk about it a lot, moms do. We talk about how we are all really so similar and face the same challenges, the isolation, the overwhelm. We talk until we’re blue in the face about how we should hold each other up, not be judgy, catty, bitchy mean girl moms. But we aren’t honest with one another. At all.
We lie our ASSES off on social media.
What if we stopped? What if we just stopped posting our best moments, our polished perfect moments, our staged moments, our fifth picture because the first four just weren’t quite good enough? What if we were real? What do you think would happen? Do you think we could get over ourselves and our hangups and our insecurities long enough to do that? If we did, do you think instead of making other moms feel like shit, it might make them feel better? If we were honest about our own shit not being together, maybe it would help that new mama who’s struggling to figure out what the hell she’s doing not feel like a failure? Maybe the mama with three under three who is in yesterday’s yoga pants and Saturday’s shirt will cut herself some slack if she sees my dirty dishes or my heaps of laundry. Maybe.
Maybe if we show ourselves, our real selves, our dirty, messy, unbrushed, crumb-covered selves, maybe it’ll make a difference. We can be real, mamas. We can give ourselves some grace and by doing so give every other mom out there some much needed grace, too. We all need to just chill out, relax, and stop worrying so much about cropping out our messes and just be real. No filters. No retakes. Just. Real.
I talk a lot about being brave and being authentic and being raw and honest. But, I’m not. I’m scared to death of being judged harshly or criticized, so I rarely ever put myself out there, even as I encourage everyone else to put themselves out there. I’m tired of being scared, y’all. I’m tired of worrying about it. I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m going to be brave and I hope, I HOPE, that me being brave will make you brave. That you will cut yourself some slack and give yourself some grace. You deserve it.
About the author: Kristi is a stay at home mom with two small boys and a very messy house. She and her family raise goats and pigs and she pretends to know something about homesteading. She went to college in the 90s and didn’t learn much, but she met her husband there, so it wasn’t a total waste of time. They were married a short time later and have spent the last 16 years trying to “settle down” and “be normal”. It’s been a huge and glorious mess. Follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/FreeSpiritMamaK and Twitter at https://twitter.com/MtnMamaK or her blog www.freespiritmama.com.
