I’ve had an epiphany. I am no longer comfortable in a bathing suit and I have removed them from my life. Given them up cold. Cleared out the second drawer in my dresser. It’s unfortunate that I came upon this realization in September, but I suppose I’ll reap the sweet harvest of confidence boosting benefits next summer.
I know this isn’t a popular thing to say. Upon opening Facebook you’ll find numerous pictures of proud, swimsuit-wearing Mamas. These middle-aged moms are putting their “new” bikini bodies on display. They are so self-assured. They are so confident. They are so not me.
Here are five “sound” reasons to swear off bathing suits.
1. We Remember our Bodies of Yore
Yes, I know our mom bodies have grown actual humans. Some of those kiddos even required the assistance of a scalpel to vacate the premises. The scalpel births also gave us the added bonus of a distinction between our lower tummy and yes, our now “other” lower tummy. C-section ladies know exactly what I mean.
Additionally, by our late 30’s, some of us have also endured multiple, non-child related, surgeries. While I take pride in all of my scars and what they represent, I don’t want anyone to see them. Bathing suits place these extraneous scars on full display. Plainly stated, I miss my toned, scar-free, two sizes smaller body.
2. We’ve been Spoiled by our Trendy, Forgiving Mom Clothes
Winter lulled us into a false sense security. Peplum made us feel curvy in all the right places. The infamous long tank top, which secretly sucks in our winter fluff, isn’t suitable for the heat. While you can buy a bathing suit with ruching, know that you’ll be wearing the same suit as the pregnant lady on the adjacent chaise lounge.
3. Stress Eating
Ah, food! It (temporarily) fixes all minor problems. Sometimes it can even squash the big problems. My rule is no food after 7pm, or 8pm, or maybe 9pm on a really stressful day. I eat the healthy stuff, but after the 3rd apple, an entire pint of strawberries and an abundance of “the good” fat, I don’t think it counts as health food anymore. I suppose eating in bulk is never a good idea.
4. Father Time
Our minds are stuck in a time warp but our bodies tell a different story. Even if the number on the scale hasn’t changed in years, the packaging has. If we are lucky, time marches on. That march, however, leaves indelible marks, the stretchy kind.
5. Pool Peers
For me, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The pool we go to is attached to our gym and is filled with super model moms. Yes, I know these tiny moms eviscerate all of my excuses. They too have had children, can stress eat and are aging. However, I have decided that these ladies are aliens. That’s it, just aliens.
I spent all summer wondering why I was the only non-alien mom sitting poolside. The week before Labor Day I finally figured it out. The normal looking woman panting on the treadmill next to me doesn’t go to the gym’s pool. The average gal in my spin class doesn’t go to the gym’s pool. The modest lady covering herself with a towel in the locker room doesn’t go to the gym’s pool! They go to their neighborhood pool and it is filled with fit, yet actual “human” moms. Next summer I’ll be one of them!
I know the naysayers will tell me I am setting a bad example for my daughter. I disagree. Generally, I have a positive body image, but when swimsuit season rolls around I morph into an insecure, critical stranger. Rather than expose my kids to that unconfident, self-deprecating lady, I’ve gotten rid of her.
My lack of a bathing suit hasn’t changed anything. Actually, that’s not true, it has changed a lot. While splashing around in the pool, my kids now see a happy, confident Mama. I’m not sucking in and I’m not readjusting every two seconds. I’m simply enjoying time with my children. Nothing tops that – expect maybe sweater weather.
Lisa is a “retired” lawyer, now stay-at-home mom to two young children. She is also a regular contributor to West Michigan Woman Magazine.
