This is a repost of one of our TOP 10 BLUNTmoms articles! We wanted to share it with you AGAIN cause we love it!
Pssst…you. Yah…you. The one with the face. That’s right…you. I just wanted to let you know that your kid is an asshole.
I know, I know…it’s completely un-PC to be calling someone else’s kid an asshole…but your kid totally is.
How do I know? Because I’ve been watching him. I know you have been too, because we’ve talked about the extremely cute sweater he is wearing. But you don’t seem to notice that he has been trying to encourage all the other kids in the playground to join in on his asshole tendencies. Or maybe you have noticed and are just choosing not to…wait a minute…
I’m sorry…I apologize… I was wrong. Your kid isn’t the asshole. You are.
I understand getting distracted in the playground. I do it myself. I have caught myself being completely engaged with my phone when I should have been engaging with my kid. I have found myself closing my eyes to get a nap (okay, I only did that once, but I was really tired). I get it. But the issue isn’t being distracted. The issue is that your kid thinks its okay to be an asshole. Your kid thinks it’s acceptable to push other kids over, throw rocks, bud in line or make that HORRIBLE ‘Nyah nyah nyah’ sound when making fun of someone else. He thinks its okay to tell other kids to push kids over, throw rocks, bud in line and make that REALLY HORRIBLE ‘Nyah nyah nyah’ sound. He thinks it’s okay because you see him doing it and you don’t say anything. And you need to…right now.
To quote the great Dennis Leary:
“Racism isn’t born folks. It’s taught. I have a two year old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list”
You can replace ‘assholeism’ with racism and you’ll get the picture.
Take a stand parent. Tell your kid what she’s doing isn’t right and show her how to do something that is. Do it now. Not when he’s five, or seven or eleven. Right. Now. Teach him tolerance and kindness…and yes, boldness and braveness. There is nothing wrong with being bold, and brave and large and in charge…just don’t be it at the expense of someone else. Be a role model. Don’t be apathetic and absent. Your kid inciting playground riots isn’t a sign of your kid being a leader. It’s a sign that your kid is a jerk. Your kid getting other kids to do things they aren’t allowed to do, isn’t a sign that your kid is persuasive. It’s a sign that your kid’s an asshole. Your kid pushing another kid out of the way to get what she wants, isn’t a sign that she is spirited. It’s a sign that your kid is a bully.
I’m not saying kids won’t be mean to each other sometimes and go too far and tussle and play dodge ball. I fucking love dodge ball. And gravel in playgrounds. And metal slides. I’m all for letting kids be kids and be bruised, battered and dirty after playing hard. That’s part of growing up. And I agree kids need to learn to deal with things and stand up for themselves …but there is a difference between being a kid and consistent assholeish behavior. That’s what I’m talking about.
We’re all capable of having a kid who is an asshole. It’s not just bigots and racists and rednecks and jerks that have kids who are bullies. Nice, normal…even lovely people can have kids who are assholes. Organic food eating, paraben free all natural families can have kids that are bullies. They just need to see it happening…and make it stop.
There is a scene in This Is 40 (SPOILER ALERT) where Leslie Mann loses her nut on a 13 year old boy for saying mean things about her daughter. Leslie Mann becomes Tiger Mom, The Rock and Chris Matthews all rolled into one. She is vitriolic, nasty and downright horrible to this child. It went way too far.
I would totally do that.
My kid will feel safe wherever he is. In the playground, in his home, in school. He will not be bullied by your asshole child. But I won’t be yelling at your kid if that happens…I’ll be yelling at you.
And I’m way meaner than Leslie Mann…
Erin Jeffery is a proud mom of ONE. Just one. And she’ll kick ass and take names for him all day long.