I’m a ‘stay at home mom’.
Homemaker.
Call me what you will – but, please, don’t call me lazy.
When I made the decision to leave my career – yes, I had one – it wasn’t because I was giving up on myself, or my life. I was making a conscious choice staying home to be with my children. It was the best decision for them, for me and my partner – the end.
My choice to stay home was not an automatic judgment against women who chose to go back to work, although many suddenly felt that they had to justify their working status to me. “You know – I’m a better mom if I work” they’d say. Hey – I get it! I probably would be too!
So, for the record, I have never, nor will ever judge a working mom. I truly believe that we should all live in awe of one another.
All I ask is that working moms don’t judge me.
Simple, right?
When I made the decision to leave work, I received both heartache and support from colleagues, family, and friends. My best girlfriends, all successful women in their own right told me what an exciting adventure this would be for me, and that I would enjoy the ‘hardest job in the world’. (I find that condescending, by the way, it is actually a pretty nice gig) They admitted that they couldn’t do it, but were happy I was.
Time has since passed, and my choice is no longer a topic of conversation.
I found myself with family in town and some built in childcare. So, I headed out for ‘after work’ cocktails with a friend. My girlfriend, who is currently involved with a recently divorced man, was complaining about the amount of support he was ordered to pay his ex-wife. The ex-wife had stayed home with their sons for 15 years while he travelled around the world for business. During my girlfriends rant, she spewed “I’ve been working all of these years, earning my way, paying for daycare, paying my bills – and his ex-wife just sat on her ass. Now she gets all that money?”
I was silent.
I know that this was not about me. But, I am smart enough to realize that my good friend, whom I love, has some real feelings on this issue.
“What a bitch” I responded, testing the waters.
“A lazy bitch” she answered.
Her phone rang. It was the daycare – my girlfriend’s ex was late for pick up. She had to go.
She tossed in $20 and ran to her BMW. I sat there enjoying a rare moment to myself, and just smiled.
This lazy bitch was going to order another round.
9 Comments
As a work outside the home mom thank you! Thank you for stating what should be but isn’t always obvious. That choosing to stay at home (I did for almost 17 months) is a difficult decision and thank you for not turning this into a stay at home or go to work mom battle. I’m so tired of that crap. I’ve been on both sides and one isn’t easier or harder than the other. Being a parent is hard. Rewarding yes, but still hard no matter how you slice it.
got air . . gotta say we are loving your comments . . you little northern kitten you! Thanks for all your reads and thoughts!
Love this!!! Each side has its pros and cons. I am a full time working mom.. But at home with an almost 1 year old.. There were times I envied the women who were on mat leave from an employee job. They didnt have to work after they had the baby… Where if I wanted to continue running my business, I had to work.. But now all those moms are putting their LO’s into daycare and I am not.. Kudos to all moms.. Working or not..
I worked like a dog before I had kids. The deal was, I worked my tail off while my husband finally finished school, full time. But when he was done, we were having kids and I was quitting my job. I hated my job, so I never missed it, but I can tell you I had WAY more free time back then. And sleep. And my house was cleaner. Probably because there were no kids to take up all that free time, wake me up in the middle of the night and undo everything I clean up or put away. I can’t imagine having all the responsibilities I have now, plus a full time job! Hats off to working mothers!
Excellent blog! I have been both a stay at home mom and working mom and they have both been equally hard and wonderful. They each have their own challenges and no one should ever accuse either of being lazy!
I have been both, the judgment on both sides drives me nuts! Right now I am on mat leave and will not be returning but every time I see someone from work they can’t understand why I would choose to watch other peoples children instead of returning to my career. I think it is much more stressful, for me anyways, to work full time, even when my kids were all teenagers.
As for being lazy, I work longer hours than my husband does now. It is my dream to have a day when my work is all done by 7 and I can sit and read. I don’t even know when the last time I watched TV was.
Hi! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old
room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward
this page to him. Fairly certain he will have a good
read. Thank you for sharing!
I really wish these stay at home moms weren’t the same mediocre students who didn’t know what work was until they had kids. Then, all of a sudden, they have the hardest job in the world because they actually have to do something! Please, go to medical school, law school, an MBA program, or any professional school and you will learn what it’s actually like to work for something. Being a stay at home mom isn’t easy, but give it a rest already.
Simply amazing:)