Some employers begrudge maternity leave benefits, thinking it is just one big vacation–a luxurious, decadent beach holiday, if you will.
Anyone who has lived through the first year as a new parent can tell you that it’s really no day at the beach.
1. Your tour guide yells constantly and you can’t understand him. There is no translator.
2. The open bar is in your bra and it’s expected to serve around the clock.
3. Nobody around here is getting lei’d.
4. Incredibly relaxed dress code that is baby vomit optional.
5. An excursion to the grocery store can feel like Club Med when undertaken child-free.
6. Blankets are plentiful, but more ‘baby’ than ‘beach.’
7. Hot tub foam parties only happen with too much bubble bath.
8. The locals are naked a lot, sometimes unexpectedly.
9. Turn down service involves mostly teething biscuits.
10. Everything is based on double occupancy. There’s rarely a minute alone.
Being a new parent is only a vacation in that you are on a break from everything you used to know (like sleep and regular showers). It’s an all inclusive experience. It only takes a few wild nights to realize that you are far too old to party like this. Aloha and welcome to parenting!
17 Comments
Oh no! Mine starts in August and now I’m not nearly as excited as I was! Just joking! I’d rather deal with an all-nighter than most of my coworkers 😉
Your baby is going to be awesome and you will be so enamored it makes it all worth it 🙂
Haha. I took an extended maternity leave because I liked it so much. Eighteen years and eight kiddos later, I wouldn’t trade a minute of newborn bliss for all the income in the world.
That sounds so rewarding 🙂 8 is very impressive!
this made me laugh because i have a ton of girlfriends on maternity leave right now and it is NO walk in the park. anyone who calls it a ‘vacation’ is delusional!
Glad it made you smile! It definitely has its ups and downs. I don’t miss the sleep deprivation, I do miss dressing him in embarrassing sweater vests and him not complaining.
Love this! (Especially the open bar part)
However this is only for the first year of maternity leave. Year 10 of maternity leave has been quite pleasant. 😉
You stated this so perfectly that I just had a bad maternity flashback!!
You. Are. Hilarious. That is all.
You are pretty hilarious yourself 🙂
Sweet lord, you couldn’t pay me to go back to those first 3 months, unless I could just insert my current self right in- minus the post baby body, hormones and vag. Well done sister!
I miss my breastfeeding appetite. I ate two a & w teen burgers in one sitting (under 15 minutes) one ravenous day. Zero guilt. Just fuel to make milk for my baby 🙂
Pingback: Maternity Leave is the Worst Vacation Ever - on BluntMoms - Sparkly Shoes and Sweat Drops
It makes me want to bitch slap someone when they say “vacation” and “maternity leave” in the same sentence. That’s all.
haha!! I love this– every word, so incredibly true! You’re a gem, Alison!
To me vacation = sleep. Therefore maternity leave is absolutely nothing like vacation. Nothing at all.
Pingback: Maternity Leave Is No Day At The Beach - Sparkly Shoes and Sweat Drops