It’s no secret that Donald Trump is pissing off parents all across America. He’s loud, brash, and arrogant, not to mention chauvinistic, misogynistic and racist, and, regrettably, he’s caught the attention of our young, impressionable, and media-obsessed children.
What exactly am I supposed to do when my kids let loose zingers like, “Trump likes to call women sexy!” or “Trump will put everyone in prison!”
It would be easier to fumble through a conversation about puberty and sex than to respond to the verbal vandalism that has made its way from the presidential debate stage to the school playground and into my home thanks to Trump’s candidacy.
Parenthood is messy, but The Donald is a mess for which I didn’t ask.
I keep thinking to myself, as parents often do, this too shall pass. It’s helping me cope with and respond to the baffling and perverse absurdities my kids are spewing at home, and it’s reminded me of some tried-and-true parenting tips to maintain my sanity during the insanity of Donald Trump.
Parenting tip #1: Expect the Unexpected.
Kid (impersonating Trump in a shoddy southern accent): “Here kids, here are some guns! This is a revolution! Now get out there and kill some people!”
Me: “Um…where did you hear that, because STOP IT.”
Parenting tip #2: Answer tough questions with honesty.
Kid: “If Donald Trump is mean, why is he winning?”
Me: “I have no fucking idea.”
Parenting tip #3: Ensure safety and security.
Kid: “Mommy, you need to get a job or else Donald Trump will make you leave the country.”
Me: “What the?! That will never happen. I will never be taken from you. Ever.
Parenting tip #4: Redirect.
Kid: “Has Donald Trump ever killed anyone?”
Me: “Not that I know of. Did you finish your math homework?”
Parenting tip #5: Reinforce core values.
Kid: “There’s a game at school called Punch Trump.”
Me: “That doesn’t sound very nice. Do kids get hurt playing that game?”
Parenting tip #6: Be consistent.
Kid: “Will Trump segregate schools?”
Kid: “If Trump wins the election, will people not born here be sent away?”
Kid: “Will Trump call people up on stage and say, “Die!”?
Parenting tip #7: Ignore bad habits.
Kid (browsing Trump memes on the Internet): *maniacal laughter*
Me: *quietly backs out of room*
Parenting tip #8: Never say never.
Kid: “I want to be Donald Trump for Halloween.”
Parenting tip #9: It’s going to get worse before it gets better.
Kid: “If you don’t like Donald Trump, you’ll be hung.”
Parenting tip #10: Go with the flow.
Kid: “I like to call Donald Trump Donald Drunk.”
Me: “Okee-dokie, sweetheart.”
I have to believe this too shall pass. With any luck, Donald Drunk will, too.
About the author: Jennifer Gregory is a stay-at-home mom and the writer behind the blog, The Runaway Mama. Her writing has been published on Scary Mommy, Club Mid, Mamalode, Sammiches and Psych Meds, BonBon Break, and The Good Men Project to name a few, and she has been featured on the TODAY Parents weekly “Best Parenting Posts on Facebook” list. She wouldn’t want to be anywhere else except home raising her two boys, but like the little bunny in Margaret Wise Brown’s classic book, she sometimes wants to run away. Read more at The Runaway Mama, and find her on Facebook and Twitter.