There’s no place like someone else’s home for the holidays. Right?!?!
Ugh, fine. But you know it’s the right thing to do and the kids are super excited to see Granny and Gramps and all the cousins from daddy’s side of the family. So what if it’s also a little nerve wracking.
We all get used to the ways our own families celebrate, so other people’s traditions can seem weird. This isn’t what Thanksgiving/Christmas/Chanukah feels like to us, so we might freak out a little. Add on the pressure of trying to impress your snooty sister-in-law, plus missing your own family and well, sometimes you just need to vent.
Here are the most annoying things about spending the holidays with your in-laws:
- They have a 200 lb. Newfoundlander dog and yes, he’s kind of cute, but not so much when he has his own place at the dinner table and you’re pulling long, black dog hairs out of your mashed potatoes. Plus, you’re more of a cat person.
- Why do they eat dinner at one in the afternoon? It’s barely lunch time and we’re already carving a turkey? This is so weird.
- The entire family won’t stop accidentally calling you by your husband’s ex-fiancée’s name. Oh and, they are all still friends with her on Facebook, and apparently she is in Africa saving Ebola orphans and she just got a six figure book deal. You know this because they won’t stop talking about her. You know. She’s perfect, and you’ve had baby spit-up on your shoulder all day and it’s four in the afternoon and you still haven’t managed to take a shower.
- They put WHAT in the stuffing? What kind of people are they? My God. Who eats that?
- Uncle Darryl tries to plant a big, wet one right on your lips. Actually on the lips of every female in sight and no one thinks this is even a little creepy. Not to mention he drove up with a dead deer (fresh roadkill) in the bed of his pick-up truck and now he wants everyone to try his world famous venison meatloaf or he’ll be mortally offended.
- When you ask what you can bring and your mother-in-law sends you an email complete with seventeen recipe links from the High-Carb, Full-Fat Cookbook. You did tell her that you don’t cook, right? And that you’re trying to get rid of the baby weight? How about a bottle of wine instead? Nope, she can’t do without the Velveeta fudge and it’s just not the holidays without deep fried stuffing on a stick. But fine, if it’s too much, she’ll make the fried butter. Begrudgingly.
- They wear ugly Christmas sweaters un-ironically and their house smells peculiar.
- You politely wish everyone a Happy Holidays and they look at you like you’ve just uttered a few choice lines from The Exorcist. “Umm, we say Merry Christmas in this family,” they all reply in unison. And then they leave Fox News blaring all through dinner.
- When the kids have had way too many cookies and apparently some well-meaning relative (I’m looking at you, Nana) gave them each their own tub of Cool-Whip and a soup spoon, and now they won’t stop jumping on the couch like a pack of sugared-up orangutans, and for some reason everyone thinks this is all your fault because you didn’t try that expert parenting book from the 1960s that Aunt Barb gave you for Chanukah last year.
- Desperately searching the cabinets for a bottle of Captain Morgan’s to spike your eggnog, you suddenly remember that your in-laws are teetotalers. And you’re going to be here for three more days.
- Your father-in-law won’t stop quoting Christmas Vacation. We get it. “The shitter was full.”
- That irritating niece who looks exactly like Nellie Oleson and the way her mom won’t stop bragging about how she won the Little Miss Millennium Diamond Tiara pageant with her emotional rendition of “Memories” from Cats. Oh my God, shut them up, please. And someone get those fishnets off that six year old.
The holidays can try our nerves for sure. Even our own families are full of quirks, but somehow these idiosyncrasies seem to be magnified when it comes to our partners’ relatives. Relax and take a deep breath because it’ll all be over soon, and at the very least the kids are having a blast with their other side of the family. Take the nonsense in stride and remember that everything is better when you can sit back and laugh at it, even the oyster stuffing.
About the author: Victoria Fedden is a writer and a mom from Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Her memoir This is Not My Beautiful Life will be published June 2016 by Picador USA. She blogs on her website at www.victoriafedden.com. Her writing has appeared in Real Simple, Chicken Soup for the Soul, The Huffington Post, Redbook, elephant journal, Scary Mommy, Babble and The South Florida Sun Sentinel, plus various other publications. Please visit her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/victoriacfedden for updates.
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