Home Alone is one of my favourite holiday movies. Now that I’m in my thirties, I’ve noticed there are moments in the movie that illustrate adulthood – or at least mirror my own experiences with adulthood.
Grocery Shopping
Grocery shopping on a Saturday is a better way to gauge the readiness for commitment level of a potential mate than any quiz in a glossy magazine. The lineups definitely feel like you might spend the rest of your lives together without even leaving the store. Once you do leave the store, you have to hope all your stuff makes it back in one piece. The flimsy bags they provide inspired a series of tweets eulogizing kale that didn’t make it home from the grocery store one day. “A prayer for fallen kale: some even called it a superfood. His cape was not recovered.” In “Stay Stay Stay”, Taylor Swift sings about a guy who carries her groceries and now she’s always laughing. I would be laughing too if I didn’t have to carry my groceries.
Having To Wake Up For Things
Just kidding. This example has nothing to do with my life. I have an 8 year old. I never get to sleep in in a traditional sense. Even when he’s not home, my internal mommy alarm alerts me that somewhere out there, my child is playing Minecraft and eating cereal. We aren’t morning people though, so this is a pretty good approximation of our rushed morning routine.
Grooming
Once upon a time, a friend suggested adding essential oils to the bath tub would be relaxing and refreshing. I threw some peppermint oil in the tub one day. The thing I struggle with about baths is that they seem very inefficient time wise and I get bored and figure I should do something productive. You know, like shave my legs or something. That is a TERRIBLE idea when you have mint oils in the water. I looked very much like Macauley Culkin when I realized the error of my ways.
Impostor Syndrome
Chronologically, I am a grown up. I do not necessarily always feel qualified to actually BE a grown up. A lot of the time I worry that folks will notice that I’m basically faking it here in Adult-land and that I’m a giant fraud who misses her Wonder Woman footie pyjamas (literally, WHERE DID THEY GO? Laundry. WORST.) I wonder if other people are faking it too. My crowning moment of adulthood was when I purchased tenant insurance from one of my best friends in high school. I felt like a grown up for like 30 whole seconds.
Ominous Sense of Dread
Anxiety is so incredibly unpleasant. My insomnia is driven by vivid re-enactments of awkward social interactions that transpired during the day. In these reenactments, the part of me is played by Emily Deschanel, because we have similar social skills and I wish my hair looked that good consistently. When I have a free night, I’m double checking my phone and my daytimer just to make sure I haven’t actually forgotten where I’m supposed to be. When I travel, I obsessively check my purse for my credit card and my passport in the unlikely chance that they evaporated.
Disappointment
Unexpected car repairs, larger than anticipated phone bills, work related stress, these are things grown ups have to deal with and it’s not what you thought it would be when you were a kid. It can all feel like your long hoped for cheese pizza was not delivered as promised.
On the plus side, adulthood means you can jump on your bed whenever you want.
(This post originally ran on Sparkly Shoes and Sweat Drops)
