1. He’s “THE Donald.” Even his name transitions super easy into “THE President.” Can you believe people are actually saying he doesn’t have “THE” experience? Hello?
2. He likes to say stuff like “fuck” and “shit.” That’s so dope. I mean, having a Black President was cool, but a President that talks like my racist Uncle Harry is way cooler.
3. He’s not a politician. Politicians are sleazy, money-hungry, lying pieces of shit with government experience. Obvi, Trump has no government experience.
4. He’s not out there begging for money. He’s using his OWN money. Actually from here on out, I only want billionaires as Presidents anyways. You have to be a US citizen, 35 years old, and fucking loaded. That should keep all the gross poor people from running.
5. He supports the vets. OMG have you never seen those sad puppy commercials with all those dying dogs and that lady from Lilith Fair crying about them? Our vets need us now more than ever. #DogLover4Prez
6. Megyn Kelly is a huge biatch. It totally happens when women who don’t know their place try to ask legitimate questions to grown men that are obviously totes smarter than them. I mean, keep her on the news and stuff, but maybe just stories about cute dogs and funny kid Vines. #DogLover4Prez
7. Trump Towers have super legit bathrooms. I even rode the subway when I was in NYC just to go there. They were super clean, and had a shit-ton of gold accents in them. The Donald is classy AF. Don’t you want your President to be classy AF?
8. He’s definitely NOT racist. I’ve seen two videos of black people online that say they’re gonna vote for him, and I even saw a Mexican on Fox News with one of his hats on. And I don’t even think Mexicans like hats. Oh, wait…sombreros. Never mind. So, he’s racist. Ugh, not even a big deal. I mean, we’ve already had a Black President.
(This post originally ran on BrandiDunagan.com)
About the author: Brandi is a Texas based humorist that self identifies as “Moderately Funny & Majorly Disturbed.” Catch her purging inappropriateness on her blog, leading a camp of grown-ass women at Camp Dazed & Amused, or on a drunken journey to craft beer knowledge on the She’s Crafty Podcast.
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