When they get married, many women want their wedding dress to be the cherry on top of a perfect wedding day. Some spend weeks or even months searching for the one dress that they may have been dreaming about since they were a little girl.
Me? I had wanted my wedding dress to fulfil two basic functions: 1) be comfortable and 2) fit my ever-growing belly. Oh and can it be pretty too?
Finding a dress was hard. When my mom and I went dress-shopping, we passed rows and rows of shops. The dresses were either fully covered in feathers, or they looked like giant heaps of whipping cream.
The last shop we passed gave me some hope. I went in and told the lady: “I’m petite. I’m pregnant. I’m getting married. Find me a dress, please.” The lady disappeared for a while and returned with THE DRESS.
It was beautiful in its simplicity. It was halter top, with a corsage top that could be laced up to make the dress fit my growing belly. It was pleasantly cool on my skin and I loved the soft, silky fabric.
There was only one problem with the dress: it was white. You see, white is the colour of purity and since I was a pregnant woman, some folks didn’t see me as “pure” anymore. According to them, it was not within my rights to wear my beautiful wedding dress. Of course, I couldn’t care less and bought it anyway, but to tell the truth I could have really done without the tactless comments and glances.
For example, the florist told me she made the bouquet specifically to hide my belly. A friend said, “You will have this huge belly on your wedding day,” as if that was something that would embarrass me. But why should it?
I refused to be ashamed of my belly. As big and heavy as it was, it kept reminding me of the beautiful little girl that was residing inside. But I did have to get married abroad for that reason. In my country, no priest would marry us with me being this visibly pregnant. I guess sex before marriage is fine provided that you don’t know about it. The hypocrisy of this thinking was simply mind-blowing.
The dress was accompanied by a bolero in the same colour and- shockingly- a little veil. I also had earrings and a necklace and shoes that were elegant and comfortable.
My wedding day went perfectly smoothly. I put on the dress, and the bolero, and the shoes, and the jewelry. My mom did my make-up. I looked in the mirror. Big belly and tiredness be damned, I felt and looked beautiful.
When the time came for us to say our vows, I had a moment of hesitation. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to marry this man. I did. I really did. It was just that I was nervous, speaking in front of all the people, and in a foreign language at that.
And then the little girl in my belly gave me a reassuring kick. I think for a while, I even imagined her saying: “Say it, mom. Say it.” I said it. I said, “I do.” I was 30 weeks pregnant.
I celebrated the 30 weeks of both subsequent pregnancies by putting on my wedding dress and posing for pictures that my husband took of me. It was like celebrating my wedding day all over again.
I think no woman should feel ashamed to walk down the aisle with a baby bump. Instead, she should feel proud. Because one day, she will be able to tell her child that she was there when her parents said, “I do.”
8 Comments
Oh Olga, finding the right dress when ou’re not pregnant is already difficult. So I can just begin to grasp the trial you went through!
As of the “tactless comments and glances”, why people can’t be just happy for the future spouses? And if they are really “conservative”, they should think “oh, that’s good, they marry so the child will be raise in perfect condiditions” (blablabla…).
I believe in purity before marriage but I totally understand that each person is free of their choices and shouldn’t be condemn on their wedding day for their past actions. Especially a pregnant woman! Marriage (if not forced), is about love, vision of the future and confirming the creation of a family. In France, it’s the civil marriage that is the legal one. So, no problem with any religious authority. You marry religiously if you want. The major or one of his/her deputy will always be there to proceed at the ceremony without calling it off because you’re pregnant. here’s the post I wrote about marriage in France:
http://lacitedesvents.blogspot.com/2014/06/world-cup-for-kids-wedding-in-france-un.html
Thank you, Eolia! I know it’s difficult to find a wedding dress in general. Maybe the fact that I was pregnant and the narrowed choice that came with it made it actually easier to find a perfect dress. And I agree: it’s about choice whether or not to have sex before marriage.
i think problems with getting married when pregnant is not about the hipocracy, it’s just that it could be forced. but it’s not true that it’s impossible in poland, you can marry on the beginig of pregnancy, at the end, or with the baby in your arms. just have to find some resonable priest and tell him why you wanna do it, so he know it’s not just because of the baby.
You have a point here. Of course, I would have been able to find a priest who’d agree to such a wedding. But we didn’t have so much time and organizing an international wedding takes a lot of it. And ours also asked us if we;re not getting married because of the baby but he had much less trouble with it than many Polish priests.
I love this Olga. And think it’s fantastic that you celebrated with wedding dress pics during each pregnancy! Perfect. My first born was at our wedding, she was out though (and was 1) so dress shopping was easier for me! I have zero tolerance for even a suggestion that I should feel guilt or shame for the choices that I’ve made. No regrets here. Just 3 little ladies, a gorgeous husband and a whole lotta love.
Thank you, Shannon! What a wonderful comment! I also have zero tolerance for comments like this but well people comment no matter what you do.
My husband has said, time and again, in modern times, white represents a person’s first marriage, not purity. I think that’s a great way to think of it. And if you still want to wear white for every wedding? Who cares? It’s your wedding. What everyone else thinks is their problem. Not yours. Sounds like you had a beautiful wedding!
Oh I love the explanation for the white colour! And I had a friend who was getting married for a third time and she got married in white. She looked gorgeous, and who cared it wasn’t her first marriage or that she alreayd had children! I did have a beautiful wedding and am so happy we did it before she came out.