When My Best Friend Died

When one of my closest friends passed away suddenly at a young age, my world was rocked. When I walked into the viewing room and saw my beautiful friend lying in a casket surrounded by her husband and children, it took my breath away.

Oddly, my first thought was that she would not like the outfit she was being buried in, and my second thought was that she wasn’t wearing earrings.

My friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on 9/11, yes, “the 9/11,” and was dead two weeks later. She died of an embolism on the eve of her surgery.

I saw my friend the day before she died when I brought her new pajamas for her hospital stay. She was very stylish and cared about her appearance, and that’s why I know she would not have liked the outfit she would wear for all of eternity and that she was not wearing earrings.

We talked about getting through the surgery and planning for what came next. She was focused on the future and there was no discussion of dying. I know that if she had any clue she had such a short time left on this earth she would have given her husband some advice that may have changed the course of her children’s future.

She would have told her husband:

• I don’t expect you to be single the rest of your life, but don’t get a girlfriend a few months after I die. If you do, don’t let the kids know because they’ll see that as a sign that you did not love me, their mother, when I know that you did.

• Your son’s best friend’s mother would not be an ideal girlfriend. It’s very messy and complicated, and will make things awkward for the boys at school.

• Get a different job that does not require so much travel, or stop work all together for a few years. You have enough money and the kids will need you.

• My mother and your mother will help with the kids, but never forget you are their parent and you need to be there for them and to advise them.

• Get the kids counseling. Losing their mother so suddenly will be a shock and they’ll need help working through all of the emotions they are feeling. Without counseling they’ll have a difficult time forming trusting relationships and becoming productive adults.

My friend’s death impacted my life in several ways. First, I was left without a dear friend with whom I shared many good memories. Second, I decided that I don’t want to be in a casket and would like to be cremated with my remains spread over the beach my family loves. Finally, I told my husband all of my hopes for our children’s future in the event I’m not there for all of it.

Anonymous submisssion