I have a friend. She is heavily pregnant, ready to pop any day. She is full of expectation and joy and can’t wait to meet her first baby. She is also scared to death because she may be refused pain relief.
She is terrified and I am angry. I want to scream and go to her and get her the epidural right now if I could. And kick the doctors in the guts.
Part of her problem is money. She doesn’t have a lot of it, but even in her situation she would be willing to pay for an epidural if she could. The other part of the problem, however, is something else entirely.
The problem is that she and other women like her are being lied to and mislead. They are being told that giving birth naturally would make them better mothers and better women. They are being told that effective pain relief like the epidural is bad for their baby and elective cesarean sections are dangerous. They are being told that “natural childbirth” means safe and that medicine is evil.
She, and countless other women, are being told that they will be empowered by the pain and will emerge out on the other side stronger. Maybe this is the case for many women but for others, getting pain relief was pretty darn empowering, too. Because you know, the epidural can make the difference between being a screaming, bundle of pain and a conscious human being who is able to make her own decisions.
And why does birth have to be empowering anyway? There are so many things a woman can do to feel empowered, like you know, having a career, helping others, following her dreams, achieving her goals. But giving birth? Seriously? And to think that I assumed that giving birth was all about having a baby? And a living healthy one at that?
I believe that a huge part of empowering women is providing them with choices. About their bodies, about their births, about their children. In a birth setting, where women are very vulnerable, choices are crucial. And another part of empowering women in birth is providing them with excellent, high quality labour and birth support, including medical support, mental support and yes, pain relief.
For all the women who wish to give birth naturally, I think they should be given the choice to do so if if it doesn’t compromise the safety of their children and themselves. For all the other women, bring on the epidural!
10 Comments
Birth is an empowering process, period. Hey, we can create and nourish life, that’s a pretty big deal!
…Who would dare attempt to deny her pain relief?? A midwife? If so, she should drop that person like a bad habit and shop around for an OB. Or request a different midwife, cause that’s not their call.
Hi Anne, thanks for your comment. Yes, I see where you’re coming from but I just saw pregnancy and birth as a way to have a child, not as some mystical process- didn’t see anything mystical in throwing up and pain. My friend can’t drop her Ob (for various reasons), so I am hoping all the best for her!
That’s tough. I’m surprised that an OB is actually trying to dissuade her from having an epidural. Best of luck to your friend.
I firmly believe in better living through chemistry! There is no glory in pain!,,
Hi Michele! Exactly! Pain relief is awesome- and I know what I’m talking about! There is no glory in suffering.
I almost had a shirt made to wear to the hospital that said “give me the drugs….I’m no ones hero!” Besides you don’t get a gold star for skipping the epidural.
Hi Amy! Hahahaa, I didn’t have a shirt, but I had a birth plan and got my medication, and it has done the job beautifully. No, you don’t get a star or prize or anything. You can skip the pain relief if you want but it doesn’t make anyone a better woman or mother.
I asked for the needle nurse to meet me in the parking lot of the hospital. I want to feel nothing of this. I think it is enough to spend the rest of your life worrying, paying and sacrificing yourself why the hell does it have to hurt coming into the world?
Alternatively, whatever pain you don’t get treatment for should be inflicted on your husband. Just to be fair.
Hi Magnolia, loved the needle nurse! And pain doesn’t make sense! for all other difficult operations or pain there is pain relief, jsut women are told that they don’t need it (“your body is made to give birth!”… of course, my eyes are made to see and yet I still need glasses!
Wow,
I thought there would be a bunch of naturalists writing on here to disprove your statements. Although I am always up for a good discussion, I have to agree with the author. There is no glory in pain, but I always leave it up to the mom. I have been in deliveries with both, and let’s just say the epidural room is a bit more peaceful.