As one who struggled with disordered eating back in the day, and now as a mom with two daughters and three sons, I am at a loss as to how to handle my mom peers who want to discuss diets and body size as part of general conversation – in front of our kids. To those of you who scoff at my liberal use of the f-bomb, I would rather my girls hear twenty f-bombs before they hear a whiny, self-conscious mom ask me, “How are you so skinny?!”
To greet me, and then first comment on my appearance, negates the healthy example I try to set every day for my children. Before you ask me about my weight or about my clothing size, perhaps you could ask me about my job or about what I am reading. If you are so intent on finding out, “How do you do it?!?!” or “Do you really have five kids?”, you could ask me about what I bought recently at the farmers market or if I have cooked any good recipes lately.
At home, we don’t eat crap. Should I start with that when I respond to these ludicrous questions? At home, we focus on staying active and making food choices that make our bodies strong and happy. I don’t want my daughters (or my sons) to think that their worth is in any way tied to how good they look in skinny jeans.
When my second grader comes home for a playdate with a friend and that friend asks me how many calories I think they burned running up and down the stairs, I know there isn’t a healthy conversation about exercise going on at home. No 8 year old should be concerned with burning calories.
Moms, did you miss the memo? Can we not foist our own personal body size demons on our girls?! Do you enjoy your middle aged self and your weight anxieties? Is that what you want to pass on to the next generation?
Have you seen the meme going around that says something like, “I wish I was as fat as I was when I first thought I was fat?” Let’s not take our kids down this rabbit hole. If you tell a child, I am going to leave a cookie on the counter but you cannot touch it for an hour, what is that child going to think about for the next hour? We can think our comments are harmless but little ears hear everything. Our children worship us and they don’t miss a thing.
I want my girls to love me for my hugs and my crazy cooking and our late-night Fixer Upper viewing parties. I want them to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise and their bodies. I want them to love their bodies and the amazing things their bodies can do. Arm wrestle at dinner, have a plank contest, discuss who might have the biggest muscles today. As educated, successful moms, we can do better than ask other moms about diets and weight loss and jean size. Do you really have nothing better to talk about? The second thought that comes to mind when you pepper me with questions and relentlessly ask me how I lost the baby weight is, “Maybe you need a job?”
If you see me on the street or at the grocery store and you’re not sure what to say, just say, “Hi.” Ask me what’s new. Whatever you do, let’s not discuss weight. Especially in front of our kids. We’ve got so many other amazing things to talk about. Let’s break the depressing, superficial cycle of body size questions. We are better than that. And, if you’re not careful, I’ll drop some f-bombs in front of your kids.
About the author: Erin Brighton is a Food blogger at www.erinbrighton.com. She has a passion for food – preferably local & delicious. She is the Director of the Food Policy Council in Charlotte, North Carolina, and mom to 5.
