I lost my kid at The Happiest Place on Earth.
Wanna see a parent lose their fucking mind? Watch them in the crowds at a theme park. I spent about $500+ to lose my youngest daughter at Disneyland. I lost my fucking mind.
We found her exactly 1 minute after we realized she was lost. Dancing in an area outside of It’s a Small World. Dancing. Motherfucking dancing.
Literally. She might as well have been flipping me off.
I don’t care if you have the best behaved children ever. I don’t care if you’ve taken a drill to permanantly embed the words Don’t run AWAY! in their heads. They are hypnotized the moment you step on Candy Cotton soil. You are fucked. Deal with it.
As I held my recovered daughter, bawling my eyes out, she kept repeating something about a lollipop or Indiana Jones or something pink and frilly that wiped the memory of her mom and dad completely clean. You know what theme parks are crawling with?? I screamed in my head as I held her tight, Kidnappers and molesters and other awful creepy assholes that deserve to die if they even look at you!!
Head screaming. It’s all over your face, parents. Hard not to miss it. I understand you. *head nod in your immediate direction*
The joys of the day- many rides with short lines, two parades that had my kids screaming and laughing and shouting at their favorite characters and falling asleep on the way home almost made up for the worst “minute” of my life.
Cost me 500 bucks. Rename that place The Most Emotional Place While Getting Wallet Fucked On Earth, jackholes.
t.r.m.
7 Comments
I just got wallet fucked at Disney World… Try taking two kids, one of which has to pay full child price even though she’s so short she can’t ride on the majority of the rides… Jackholes is right!
Thankfully however, we didn’t lose either kids… That’ll be next time I’m sure!
I believe my next mission in life is to coin the term “wallet fucked”. Did I miss the boat on that yet?
I don’t wish on my worst enemy the sadness and fear of losing your child. A minute or a day. Awful awful awful.
Wahahahaha! We just went to Peppa Pig World here in the UK and were amazed at the number of families using backpack leashes on their kids. Why did those things go out of style in the US again. My hand is now permanently in a claw position from the death grip I kept up for HOURS on my kid’s t-shirt.
I know what I’m getting the kids for Christmas this year.
THERE’S A PEPPA PIG WORLD?!?
Loved the rant, didn’t love why. Disney sucks and is truly a nightmare. Glad you are having these special forced family times together – is it grand? (please read this with as much sarcasm as humanly possible)
Sarcasm heard loud and clear. It was my worst time but our best as a family if that makes sense. 😉
And to think that my parents called me cheap for not wanting to take my kids to that god forsaken place. Don’t they realized that looking for the kids would really diminish my cost per ride ratio. Mickey can wallet fuck someone else. This mouse is out.