Children are like tiny human sniffer dogs that can sense your every weakness and flaw. When they find that deep dark character issue or emotional damage that you carry, they capitalize on it like ants at a picnic. They know the exact wrong thing to say, at the wrong time. For instance they somehow know precisely what you think of your Mother in law and how much you fear the dentist even if you hide those things very well.

Got issues? Ya,  then those are the ones the children focus upon, talk about or replicate with an exactitude that is unnerving.

Don’t know what I mean? Here, let me give you an example. If you have social anxiety that shames you… shabam…. one of your kids will come up with those precise behaviours no matter how well you have hidden your stuff. They will do it with flair like they are wearing a big fat neon sign that says “Hey look at what my Mom passed on to me!!”.

Trying to hide your fear of spiders? Then it is guaranteed that Junior is totally going to collect spiders. Conversely, he might make a fool of himself at one of those annoying “pet the arachnid” birthday parties by squealing in terror. Time to share your Atavan with that child.
Either way, whatever you have going on, they know about it.

If you are so tired you can hardly cope, they get needy. (So do dogs and husbands by the way, it is their special skill).  Whatever you like least about yourself will bubble up in at least one of your children… guaranteed. It is like a rule or something.
I still remember one of my parents telling me they couldn’t stand the way I talked… now I realize it was because I emulated the asshole in the house pretty accurately.

How do they know? How do they see your soul? How come my inability to do basic math exists in my child? Is it genetics? Is it quiet unspoken queues that we give them?

No… it is the fact that they are evil mind reading little energy leaches… they see your heart, and they will reach in and pull it out…

I am going to make myself a tin foil hat.


advice with a twist:



Our Editor-in-Chief Magnolia Ripkin is sort of like your mouthy Aunt who drinks too much and tells you how to run your life, except funny... well mostly funny... like a cold glass of water in the face. She writes a flagrantly offensive blog at Magnolia Ripkin Advice Blog answering pressing questions about business, personal development, parenting, heck even the bedroom isn't safe. She is the Editor in Chief at BluntMoms. Other places to find her: Huffington Post, The Mighty and Modern Loss. You can also check her out in two amazing compendiums of bloggers who are published in “I Just Want To Be Alone.” And most recently, Martinis and Motherhood, Tales of Wonder, Woe and WTF


  1. We’re just getting there. Not so much in the brain invaders (although Brilliant term that I will definitely borrow!,) but how they tell private things to public people.

    My “embarrassed meter” has come down significantly since having kids. The things they SHOULD tell you in Home Ec class…

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