Dear new parents:
When I first became a parent, I always hated when people said things like, “You think it’s bad when they are a babies, just wait until they turn three!” This always pissed me off. I thought everything on the planet was difficult with our first child, and by all accounts it was. Becoming a new parent was so, so hard, and our firstborn was not what I would have called easy by any means. That was two kids ago now, and recently my in-laws were kind enough to take our two older boys for three nights and my husband and I were left alone with our 18-month-old.
I hate to be the one to tell you this cliche yet again, but if you think having a baby is hard, just wait. Now, before you tell everyone that I said this and it pissed you off, I still give you full permission to complain about how hard it is being a parent of a baby. But there are so many things I miss being able to get away with when our first was little.
1. Quiet. Good God, how I miss quiet. Sure, babies cry and toddlers whine, but most of them do this wonderful thing called napping. When they get older, they stop doing this. ONCE THEY GIVE IT UP, THEY WILL NEVER NAP AGAIN. Take full advantage of this while you still can, people. I know everyone says you should sleep when your baby sleeps, but we all know that’s fucking impossible. When I had my first son, I didn’t know what to do with myself while he napped, so I would clean and bake. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself.
2. Cursing. I really miss this one. When I had to replace ‘goddammit’ with ‘good grief,’ I think a part of me died inside.
3. Talking. There is so much talking going on in this house, and most of it does not consist of topics I wish to discuss. I miss having an opinion on things and being able to express them (along with those long missed curse words) whenever I feel like it. Once kids are older, they want to know everything you are saying at every moment. You can forget about ever having a phone conversation again. The minute your ear hits the receiver, your children will demand a snack, a drink, or help in the bathroom.
4. Bitching. This goes along with talking, but in a more therapeutic way. Sometime I just miss going on a rant about someone or something and not having to answer for it.
5. Sleep. I’m not actually talking about your own sleep, but their sleep. You know, in a crib, where they can’t wander out and catch you eating a bowl of ice cream and watching The Walking Dead.
Keep this list handy for every dirty diaper and midnight feeding you have to go through. All of that still totally sucks, but at least you have your ice cream, bitching, and Walking Dead all to yourself.
[email protected]
Website (not required) http://www.daftlydomestic.com
Facebook Fan page URL https://www.facebook.com/DaftlyDomestic
Twitter URL https://twitter.com/@DaftlyDomestic
1 Comment
Spot. On. Esp the Walking Dead w/ Ice cream. The only good thing about that is she’s so focused on the ice cream part she doesn’t notice the eating brains part.