I hear the same lines over and over again:
“Moms need to spend more time on self-care”
“Moms have so much more to handle than dads do”
“Moms cannot have work-life balance”
I call bullshit.
When on earth did women get so self-absorbed as to think that we are the only ones in our world who can manage everything?
We are not the only people who can bathe the kids, cook dinner, or run a business.
We are not the only parents of our children.
Yes, I know… there ARE single moms (and single dads) and widows, and all sorts of different types of families. What I am talking about here is the “standard mom.”
I have noticed that women (moms) spend a heck of a lot of time using their “overwhelm” as a reason to fail or put projects on the backburner. I believe that we are sabotaging ourselves but not allowing our partners to help us.
We don’t ask for what we need, and we take the back seat in terms of “blue responsibilities” around the home.
We let it happen.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not just pointing fingers, I do it too.
I choose baking cookies over weed whacking the lawn. I choose being at home with the kids, instead of heading off to work.
That’s right. I chose, and choose what I participate in daily. Sometimes it is a conscious decision, sometimes it is just acceptance by default because I am too lazy or complacent to change it.
But the reality is this: I did not give my husband the chance over the past 10 years to LEARN to cook for our family. I did it for him.
Just like he took care of our income for the last 10 years. He did it for me…
We women take on just enough to make martyrs out of ourselves. We don’t let our partners help us, or share the load and then bitch and whine because dad doesn’t do anything around the house.
So ladies. Choose. State what you want.
There is work-life balance, but to find it we need to have balanced parenting, as well. We need to allow our men to help.
We need to give them the opportunity to learn how to fit into our “routines” and we also need to let go of “our” rules about the family, and let him find his.
At my home, we are finally finding our balance. Some days I work, some days he does. We shift and adapt daily. We give each other breaks and we allow each other to make mistakes and changes.
We share the load of the home finances and we share the decision-making in our family.
And yes, I did weed whack the lawn today… a definite blue job in our house. And I might just allow him to make dinner.
Maybe. . .
I LOVE this! I just had this same realization as my husband got ready to leave town for a week. Before going out for a night the week before I had made dinner and prepped everything. When it was his turn to leave, not only did he not do anything, he also tried to skip out early and make a trip to the gym on the way. WTH?!? Then I realised that I obviously seem too competent and I should be directly asking for more help instead of being flattened by the weight of responsibility. Thanks for writing such an excellent post to drive my lesson home.
Why is help, such a dirty word for us Mamas?
Recently a Mom I know had to leave a social gathering with her kids because her husband was home and had texted her that he was hungry.
She built that situation herself. I deleted her off my speed dial.
Great article! Love this – posting on my fridge.
I do the garbage and laundry.
My husband cleans the bathroom and vacuums.
We both have full-time jobs. Mine just happens to be in the home.
I get time off for myself each week as does he.
I was fortunate enough to marry someone like my Father that is an equal opportunity partner. Dirty toilets and all.
Great reminder that our lives are generally what we choose to make them.
I choose to cut the grass so that I don’t have to clean the dishes, unfortunately if I chose to let hubs make dinner I’d be shitty hamburger helper for a week. We all make our choices.