I’ve never been a small gal. Curvy, fit, strong, chubby, heavy, plus sized– I’ve held each of those titles at some point through my life – but never small, never petite.

For a long time it seemed as though feminine or beautiful only came in one size. At the age of 38 I’ve finally become ok with my build. I’ve made peace with most things about me. Yes, I’m plus sized right now, and no I’m not happy about it, but that doesn’t take away my beauty. That title doesn’t take away my spark. It shouldn’t mean that I need sit in the sidelines while others take the stage. It’s where I’m at on the scale – it is not where I am in life. Not anymore.

A top of the plus sized status, I’m also beautiful, smart, funny, witty, introspective, creative, and open minded. Actually, I’m pretty fucking great.

I found myself at a party recently – it was filled with bloggers, writers, social media types. The room was busy with extroverts doing their thing on the dance floor, telling animated stories in small groups, and drinking wine. The vibe was fun, it made me happy, and so I stood there quietly – soaking it in.

I saw a trio of gals standing quietly together. They looked pretty uncomfortable so I said “Hi” and asked them if they were having a good time. They held their wine close to their chest; bodies tucked in, and nodded. I chatted about the party and how amazing everyone looked. One of the gals, visibly irritated with me, rambled about ‘those girls’ partying and made reference to parties not being quite as fun for “girls like us”.


I didn’t quite understand.

Bloggers? Writers? Introverts?

No – I looked at the trio up and down. She meant the fat girls – me included.

Despite moving forward in my own mind, the ‘fat girl’ club was still alive and well, and I was about to be their newest recruit.

No thanks, ladies.

I laughed, I lifted my glass to them, and gave them great big cheers – and then I got the fuck out of there. Me and my size 18 ass had some twerking to do.


Melanie is a tactical Event Ninja, Mama, Community Builder, Story Teller. Lover of strong opinions, big experiences & quiet nights. Wildly inappropriate when in good company. She can be found on twitter and online at www.minordistractions.ca


  1. Samantha Marcrum Reply

    THANK YOU For this – awesomeness – and I’ll see you on the dance floor –

    Signed size 24 and almost 40 and will never give up glitter –


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  3. Never thought you were part of the “fat girl club”..Glad to know you don’t either. I’ve packed on some poundage since EESS…and well, I’ve learned to live with it *for now*…and honestly? My husband likes a girl with some substance 😉 You go, girl!!

    • Thanks Kathy – you know, I never have either. Yes – my weight fluctuates and over the past year it was more up than down, but I know why and I’m working on it. What I find interesting is that its about how we identify ourselves more. Thanks for the note –

  4. Love this article and this comes from a slim petite woman, who can never buy proper clothes for herself! What a beautiful, courageous, self-assured article! I love your self-steem! You can join the aweosme club, not the fat one!

  5. Oh, really? That is so depressing. To be at our age and stage of life and to let yourself be held back from joy and fun. I’m so glad you didn’t join their sad party. Life is far too short! Great post!

  6. damn shame ppl are still putting labels on people..what year is it again? get to know some one for who they are not what they look like.or who they love or anything else..if we can hold a conversation and laugh,or hell even cry.then you are going to be my new pal!! and it is sad because those ppl are the ones who are really miserable with their self and their life..rock on with your bad self you should have bent over and twerked on their leg hahah!!

  7. I’ve struggled with weight…I am right now and I was quite depressed about it until I read this. You’re so right. I hope I can get to where you are in my head!

  8. I can tell you that the girls are harder on ourselves about our asses than the boys are. Many of the men I have known (in the biblical sense and otherwise) loved anything female, they weren’t too concerned on the variability of the size. They love boobs and bums and the parts that keep them focused day and night. What they need is not a neurotic dieter, but a randy girl that says “Yes” or bet yet says “Hell Ya!”
    Loved this post.

  9. Haha Melanie! Thanks for sharing!
    I was a curvy girl busting a move on the dancefloor, and although I probably looked like Shamu experiencing a psychotic break, I just remembered that I like people who want to have fun regardless of how they look doing it WAY more than I like people who stand by the sidelines awkwardly judging either themselves or others.

    I think we should start a new club – the Freaking Awesome Twerkers Club! 😉

  10. My fat butt just added padding when I fell down. I am still not completely comfortable in my much larger post kids body, but I’m not going to let it hold me back either. I’m so thrilled that you got your twerk on.

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  12. Funnest dance party, ever!! And I’m sorry, if anyone thought their PJs were flattering, they are absolutely mistaken! We all looked gloriously horrible! The Fickr photos of that party are one of my most treasured takeaways from Blissdom 2013 – gosh, everyone was so welcoming, supportive and NOT judgy. Inspired to cling to those memories by this post …. Thank you!

  13. Melanie, I don’t think I had the pleasure of meeting you at BlissDom, but my apologies if I did and I’m not associating your name to a remembered face! I am so happy that you wrote this post! I am not a skinny girl either, and for years, I was like those girls on the sidelines. I guess turning 40 and putting on even more weight since then has made me say “F@&+ IT!” and simply do what I want to do and not be so caught up in the size of my butt or how it looks doing certain activities. I hope the girls you approached read this post, not to shame them, but to hopefully inspire them to see past their size and find the world can still be a fun place for all sizes.

  14. Awesome post! I’m a former skinny-girl who hasn’t seen a single-digit size in QUITE SOME TIME, but despite producing and raising two gorgeous (and healthy) kids, and having a nearly-20-year relationship that is happy and deeply satisfying in every respect, it’s only this year — my 37th — that I’ve become comfortable with my size. I hate that I’ve wasted so many years feeling inadequate and less-than; I hate that other awesome women do the same. So your post — and your philosophy — is right on target! LOVE that you ditched those (self)haters and bust a move. Being awesome is one-size-fits-all.

  15. You made me go look up twerking. I feel dirty and my body hurts just from watching how to twerk.

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  18. I really am impressed. Both by the grace you handled the situation, and the blatant way they assumed that you felt that you were either fat or unwanted. Wow. Right to the point, no messing around, they just said “We can’t have any fun, because we are this size, and neither can you.” I’m not sure what i would have done. Probably gaped at them.

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