If you give a Mom a coffee, she is going to want a snack to go with it.

She will check in the fridge for yogurt and notice that the orange juice has made a sticky ring on the shelf. 

She will get the cloth from the sink to wipe it down and realize that the egg pan from breakfast is still dirty. 

She will start up the tap to soak that pan and decide she needs a glass of water. 

In getting the glass, she will knock another one down to the ground shattering it. 

She will get the vacuum to clean up the mess and realize she has stepped in glass and has left a little trail of blood droplets from the kitchen. 

Not wanting to go to the kitchen to get the paper towel for fear of broken glass, she will go to the bathroom to get some tissues instead. 

While there she will notice the silence and sit down.

During the silence she will remember the picture she had promised to send her aunt.




She washes her hands, then she sits at the computer looking for the picture and decides to put some of the kid selfies in a folder to get them out of the way. 

While trying to figure that out, she gets an email. It is a friend who has been stuck in Nicaragua and needs money. She will curse at the spam (or send money, depending on the person). 

While attempting to delete the Nicaragua email, she will notice 356 unread emails and decide it is time to clean out her inbox. 

After deleting the advertisements and emails from her mother, she will remember there was that coupon for laser hair removal she hadn’t booked yet. 

As she tries to remember the name of the spa to book an appointment, she goes through her contacts and sees the name of her friend who moved out-of-town. 

She starts drafting her friend an email when she realizes that this is going to take longer than expected and maybe she should call instead. 

In getting to the kitchen to find the phone she remembers the shattered remnants on the floor and the running sink now overflowing. 

She turns off the sink and makes a lame attempt to wipe off the counters and the dripping stuff on the cupboards while avoiding the glass. 

While getting another roll of paper towel from the hall closet and tripping over the vacuum, which is now rendered useless because the shards of glass are wet, she notices the TV just staring at her. 

She hasn’t seen Big Bang Theory lately. Is it still recording? Has she had lunch?

She goes through the PVR and finds several shows that should be deleted and several that require a quick scan before deleting. She doesn’t find Big Bang, but decides to watch the Bachelor. Before she watches, she is going to need a coffee.

Then she notices the time is 2:45 and she has to pick up the kids from school.

The coffee is cold, the fridge is open and the shelves are sticky. The pan is still not done, the vacuum lies unused in the hall and there is a death trap on the kitchen floor. She is bleeding and thirsty, the friend is not called and the aunt still doesn’t have that photo. Big Bang isn’t taped, her legs remain ungroomed, the photos, emails and TV shows are not filed and the paper towel roll is now empty. 

But, nobody disturbed her while she was in the washroom. That’s something. Maybe her glass is half full after all.

*this may or may not be a true reflection of the ineptitude and clumsiness of the author. 

Kristine Laco
Author

Kristine Laco shares the stories we all have with a splash of sarcasm, a pinch of bitch and a ton of wine at Adulting In Progress dot com. Her middle finger is her favourite and she lives by the motto that if you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them. She takes selfies at the gyno. Taco Tuesday is her gospel. Reality TV is real folks. She is making turning 50 a job because she doesn't have one.

18 Comments

  1. The worst thing about all of this is that you can’t catch Big Bang Theory anywhere else if it’s not taped. And isn’t that the real tragedy of it all?

    Oh, and the cold coffee.

  2. Kristine Laco

    Don’t I know it! I love me some Sheldon…
    If you want to be a mom, I highly recommend acquiring a taste for cold coffee.

  3. Janna Espinosa Reply

    That seriously cracked me up! I felt as if we were kindred spirits.

  4. EXACTLY! Then she opens up Pinterest to look for a recipe and an hour later still hasn’t started dinner but knows seventeen uses for baking soda.

  5. It’s so heartening to realize I’m not alone in the way I move through the world. This post is sooo terrific.

  6. Pingback: It really shouldn’t be this hard. #HowWeDoIt |

  7. #Samesies!

    Seriously. This is my day, nearly every day. Then the four-year old tornado comes home and life is a blur again until bedtime. 🙁

    Great post!

    Tiffany

  8. Ashley Alteman

    This honestly just reminded me that i have an expired spa/laser hair removal card I bought over the summer in my desk drawer. DAMNIT. This was hilarious– and SO ME!!!!! Lol

    • Kristine Laco

      Oh Ashley, I think we all have that card in the drawer right beside the receipt we have been looking for to make that return.

  9. Love this! I always feel like this is my life with my children. If you give a kid his breakfast, he’s going to make a mess. When he sees the mess, he’s going to ask you if he can do art. When you give him the markers and the paper, he’ll color on the wall. You’ll get the clorox wipes, which remind him that he also colored on the floor…and on and on…but if the day ends with cookies we’re all happy!!

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