I’m Not Strong Enough to Raise this Child

I’m not strong enough to raise a child with a severe disability.

There, I’ve said it and now you can all go and pick up the stones you want to throw at me. I know what I have said is not politically correct. I know that every child adds value to the world. I know all of these things, but I also know that if faced with the knowledge that the child in my womb had a severe disorder, I would not have the strength to carry me through.

I really hate it when the topic of abortion comes up and people assume that my pro-abortion position is a reflection on my lack of appreciation for the value of the child. They could not be further from the truth. I value the hell out of those children, all children, however, I am smart enough to know my failings would make me a terrible mother for them.

Sometimes it is not about the child. Sometimes it is about the parents. It is the knowledge that the two adults who created a life are not prepared to give up their dreams in order to provide the support needed to help that child blossom. They don’t want to step out of their careers to move closer to family and lean on everyone around them for support. Equally, they don’t want to pay strangers to come in and raise the child for them while they are off chasing the next promotion and pay raise.

No one wants to come out and say that they have limitations. That they know that they would fail, and so they would not and could not willingly walk into a situation that is more than they can bear. They don’t want to be the ones that question the quality of life that some of these children will have. They don’t want to put themselves in front of the firing squad by saying that maybe everyone would be better off in this case if the pregnancy never happened. These are the parents-to-be who sit alone in dark rooms, crying, holding hands, making heart wrenching decisions. Then they bury the shame of what they’ve done.

So I stand here today to praise the parents who have the fortitude to bring severely disabled children into the world. I praise them for their strength and self-sacrifice. I praise these children for their contribution to my world. I praise them for taking on a mountainous task that I just could not face.

I also stand here to offer out a hand and a hug to anyone who has gone the other way. Who has made an equally tough decision and feels the burden of loss and shame. Please know that you are not alone, and you are not wrong. There are people who, but for their shame, would tell you that you made the best decision for yourself, your family and your child.

(Editor’s Note: This post was originally scheduled to go out in a few weeks. However, out of respect for Senator Wendy Davis and her continued support of women’s choices, we have moved up the publication date. Senator Williams, you are not alone.)