Isolation with your family is a glorious time to reconnect, recollect, revise, revisit, and rejuvenate. Or, it is a shit show with no end in sight. Same/same.
There are many productive ways to put your time to use besides walking the dog twelve times a day. People are doing online courses at an alarming rate. Many have discovered group chat meditation, apps that motivate you to exercise in the comfort of your home, and garages worldwide are spotless. Isn’t this wonderful! So many people are living their best selves and posting it on Facebook so we can all see how enlightened they are. “My family just ran an indoor marathon!” “Learned a new language today! Izolációs sziklák!” “KonMari is my bitch,” are beautiful sentiments that I wish I could share.
I am spending my isolation pursuing ways to improve myself as well. In the spirit of togetherness apart, I share these in the hopes that spreading the love will make you all shut up about your fabulous isolation plans. We know you are lying.
Ways I am spending isolation:
- Learn Something New: What I am learning is that I don’t like isolation with other people. They don’t leave me alone, and they always ask me questions about food—when the next meal is, what we are having, why is everything I cook so gross? So, yeah, I’m learning that my family is annoying. Check!
- Tidy: Ha! Tried it. It lasted for less than two hours. When no one is home, you tidy up, and it lasts for the day. Don’t fall into this trap. You will be sorry.
- Exercise: I discovered a loophole. You know experts always say muscle is heavier than fat? Follow this logic. Who needs exercise when you can turn all your muscles into fat?! I weigh less, I feel good about myself on the scale, I eat chips which are shelf-stable and readily available, AND I avoid exercise. Feel free to join me.
- Read: This one is genius. If I put on my reading glasses and put the largest book in the house in front of my face, I get a bit of privacy, and I don’t see my family trying to get my attention. It is magic! I put my phone in front of the ‘book,’ and no one has noticed I’ve been reading the same tome for 19 consecutive days. Throw in an “I’m reading this great book…” at dinner, and no one will listen, but you will bide yourself valuable time when you need it.
- Finish Old Projects: Yeah. This idea has been my New Years Resolution for the last 11 years. If it hasn’t worked yet, it is going to take an act of God greater than a pandemic to get me off my ass to finish the family photo albums.
- Meditate: I do this. I spend ten quality minutes contemplating the wine breathing each day. It is life-changing!
- Watch Educational Programming: Is Tiger King educational? You betcha! Ozark? Absolutely! Check.
- Connect with others in new ways: I highly recommend this one. When your family is getting you down, organize a Zoom call and bitch to your friends. Trust me; their families are driving them crazy too.
So, don’t worry if you need to stay at home. There are plenty of ways to pass the time. Follow my guidance, and you will look and feel better in three months when we are all able to go outside for eight minutes at the same time before we have to retreat to the ‘comfort’ of our own homes until a vaccine is readily available. For now, stock up on chips and stay home anyway.