I’m sure somewhere on the “intrawebz” there are some “parenting commandments.” Probably an endless amount, actually. I decided I needed to put this out there as a PSA for all the moms and dads who leave their children in the care of stay-at-home moms, like myself.
Consider some things your babysitter might want to tell you, but won’t.
1. Thou shalt not think that being late because “you got to chatting about a big case” is acceptable. Also unacceptable: lateness due to a detour because it’s “easier to do the grocery shopping without your child.” Keep in mind, I grocery shop with my child and your child. I’m pretty confident you can handle it. Bottom line, at the end of the day, I look forward to your kid leaving just like you look forward to clocking out.
2. Thou shalt not make comments such as, “Man, you got it goooood. Makin’ a little extra cash while you stay home (wink wink).” Yes, it’s true I am making the aforementioned cash–at an approximate rate of five dollars an hour, by the way. I make said cash by being a referee, a maid, a diaper changer, a homework doer, a meal maker, a boo-boo fixer, a taxi driver. I could go on. If you are getting the perception that I am becoming effortlessly rich by caring for your children, you’re sadly mistaken. And a side note regarding the use of the word “extra”: watching your kids is not buying me Kors bags or Hermes scarves. It’s paying my electric bill.
3. Whilst we speak of cash, though shalt not assume that it is acceptable to pay me late. I am providing you a service. You agreed to pay for this service. Just as with any other household expense, I need to be paid on time lest you experience a lapse in service. Also note that by Facebook “friending me,” I will be privy to all the nights you spend at the bar, your new tattoos, and your weekend getaways. Do the math.
4. Thou shalt not automatically assume that I will also be caring for your child when they are unable to attend school because they are sick. Of course I understand; you don’t want to miss work nor do you want to contract whatever ailment your child is suffering from. However, a daycare would not accept a sick child, and there is no reason that you should assume that I don’t mind spending the day with your child and their emanating fluids. I don’t need to get sick either, and remember: I don’t get “sick time.”
5. Additionally, thou shalt not automatically assume that I will care for your child on a snow day. Alas, it is true. I will more than likely be home. But contrary to popular perception, I do have other commitments in my life that I work on during the day while children are in school (ie; writing snarky posts for awesome websites like BLUNTMoms). I am not just the keeper of the children. I am a wife, an athlete, a volunteer, and a writer. I do have a life outside of taking care of your kids.
6. Thou shalt not expect me to change my house rules because they differ from yours. If your child is permitted to use the arm of your couch as a launch pad for WWE matches, know that those kinds of things don’t fly in my house. If your child is permitted to arbitrarily change the channel while you are clearly watching TV, that’s not going to go well either. I don’t live in a museum, but I also don’t live in a barn.
7. Thou shalt not expect me to provide nourishment for your children. The way these humans eat is not only beyond my comprehension, it’s beyond my budget. I cannot maintain the equivalent of the two junk food aisles in the local convenience store to satiate your child’s incessant need to stuff their face. Pack them something. And might I suggest something other than Ho-Ho’s and Moonpies so we can avoid that whole WWE on the couch issue from commandment six?
8. Thou shalt not expect me to become your girlfriend. Surely your diatribe on how much of a bitch your boss is because you can’t Facebook at work would be far more entertaining if you were telling me the story at the bar after two martinis, but let’s face it. It’s not going to happen.
9. Thou shall explain to your child that I work for you. Not them. When an eight year old hands me a juice box without looking up from his smart phone and asks, “Can you throw this away?” we have a problem. We live in a middle class suburb, not the Upper East Side. I am the eight year old’s babysitter. Not his bitch.
10. Finally, thou shall remember the difference between a babysitter and a daycare–the biggest difference probably being the exponentially lower rate that a babysitter charges. Watching your kids is a job. Yes, a J-O-B, job. I may not have a degree in childhood development. I may not provide you with a curriculum for lessons that I am teaching your kids. But please, remember that I am an educated woman. I take good care of your kids. I have a fairly considerate amount of influence on them at this stage in their life, even if I only have them for a few hours a day.
I am not asking for anyone’s sympathy but please, remember, I am more than just “the babysitting bitch” and I deserve to be treated as such.
About the author: When Maura isn’t making questionable parenting choices she is obsessing over her blog Play Pen; The Irreverent Parents’ Guide. You can find her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/PlayPenIPG and on Twitter @PlayPenIPG
10 Comments
Been there….on every single one of these. Ugh!
Yes to all of this! And please people, don’t send your sick kid to school either; especially if you have paid sick days/ family days/un-used vacation days. You spreading your kids germs to a family that may have a newborn or an elderly person or a person with a compromised immune system just so you can look good to your boss is you being an asshat.
I’m ok
Bravo!!! This should be required reading for every babysitting client – hand it to them in contract form and make them sign it!
When I was in college, I babysat for a lady who, I SHIT YOU NOT, had me return a pair of her her Monolo Blahnik’s and her lingerie to Saks Fifth Avenue……WITH her two children in tow. When I would decline something her son demanded of me, he’d say “My mother PAYS you.”
I ran away from that job. QUICKLY.
I’m not sure if it’s nice to know or unsettling that so many parents do this. We were not in the bed when you made this kid! Please for the love of God act like you appreciate me having your kid for the last 9 hours while you were 2 hours late because you had to shower. Mean while I don’t even think I got to brush my teeth today yet because I have 4 kids of my own! These parents make me sick, oh and thanks so much for the late pay , NOT.
I love my Niece and Nephew with all my heart don’t get me wrong, but I work two jobs and hardly get any time to myself. Both my Brother and Sister – In – Law don’t work (my Sister – In – Law is currently 5 months pregnant and my Brother would rather help my Father out every now and then with odd jobs which I would imagine wouldn’t pay much and sell drugs on top of that), neither of them have their license either .. Both children go to school so of course my Brother and Sister In – Law have some quiet time to themselves but still they want to keep palming the kids off to us any chance they get! and I understand they need time away from the kids from time to time but my god we work and have our own lives too!. We have the kids over the weekend whenever we can and if my Brother and Sister – In – Law have to run out for a bit to do shopping or go to the doctors I don’t mind that but it’s like they hardly have the kids themselves because I always hear that my niece has been at her other Aunt’s for a couple of days and the same with my Nephew, there was a time where we were getting asked three or four weekends in a row to have the kids! .. so it’s like are they even being parents and raising the kids themselves or are they just being palmed off to anyone suckered into taking them while my Brother has a go at the pokies and Sister – In – Law either just sits on Facebook all day or goes out for drinks (or at home) and drinks with some family or friends (she shouldn’t even be drinking really because she’s pregnant!). If we do have the kids when they’re dropped off it definitely doesn’t take long for their parents to be out the door … how about if they’re going to act like that or like they have no clue how to raise children then maybe don’t have them in the first place! or maybe get some professional help and learn. It just annoys me that when we’re expected to drop everything to take the kids we may be busy at that time and if we say no my Sister – In – Law gets pissed and blotchy … sorry but we are not your permanent baby sitters!. I mean by the time this other baby is here we’re going to be asked a lot more to take the kids so I have to prepare myself for that … like today I get a Facebook message, a missed call and a text asking if we can have the kids … I would if I didn’t have to work early tomorrow morning!, that’s the other thing that annoys me they both don’t seem to care or understand that we work and we can’t just drop everything that second just to basically raise their children.
You want blunt. Here it is. I quitting my nanny gig never to return. It is total bullshit. Its a lot money, the kids are great, blah blah its miserable. I cant wait to be free from these boring, pretentious, rude, snobby, uppety, selfish, fing pricks of parents that think they own the world just because they have some money. “Only give my kid organic food.” “No T.V.” Blah fucking blah. Not to mention getting paid not enough for extra side jobs,coming home late even though I am at work on time every single morning. And you know whats the worst!? The moms on the play dates. OMG I want to die. Most you moms are BORING as shit!!! Yea I am a nanny and the job is kids but can we talk about something interesting for Heaven sake?! I love the kid so much and feel bad that they are going to grow up with their parents always gone! Why did you even have a kid then?! And you know what I NEVER want kids. EVER. After seeing what its like, F that noise. And I mean ear piercing annoying AF noises. And oh yea I am a nanny, not a maid or a chef. Take your boring lifestyle and white picket fence bullshit and shove it up your asses. If I offend people I dont care because I have been taken advantage of left and right from these shitty cookie cutter lame as hell families. How dare you parents treat your nanny like this. Wipe your own kids ass. IM OUT! (Drop the mike)
AMEN To everything you said! I am in this current situation and will be getting out of it really soon. I can honestly say I’ll be praising God like never before! We are doing each other a favor, I’m watching my neighboors kid while my daughter has someone to play with and she pays me well. But alas, all good things must come to and end. I’m just really looking forward to spending the summer with my 2 kids not an extra one. It was fun while it lasted but I am tired of feeding an extra mouth, wiping an extra butt, and climbing 3 flights of steps with an extra toddler on my side (she is a heavy little one!). Time to move on!
I used to have a neighbor who was a stay at home mom of 5 kids, two of them infant twin boys. This woman acted like she hated being a mother sometimes. I definitely got that vibe. She never wanted to take them anywhere with her and was constantly after me to watch them.
It got to the point where I wouldn’t open my door to her, answer my phone if it was her and would look out the front window of my house to make sure she was not out in her front yard when I was on my way out. Then I would make a bee line to my vehicle and not even glance at her house, afraid I would see her sprinting out trying to stop me…to ask if I was free(enter date and time.)
I cannot tell you how glad I was when they moved. She has ruined me getting close to any other neighbor with kids. I see one move in and I start going over the speech I am going to give to the mom about how I am not available to babysit.