As I read my daughter’s Facebook post about how hard it is to be a mom of two under the age of two, my hearts aches for her… just a little. Mostly I’m snickering inside thinking, “Who’s the whiner now, bitch!”
You thought I was just being momzilla when I told you how hard it was raising you and your brother because you were only 16 months apart. You thought it was horrible when I said you took your first steps “somewhere between your first birthday and your first day of school”.
Not so easy juggling two is it?
I remember the judgey face when I suggested you prop a bottle for your first child so you could get a shower. Now as I see you do it without hesitation while you run after your toddler. Not so judgey now, are you?
I know how it feels to look like a sweaty teenage boy because your hair is greasy from 4 non-shower days in a row. The awesome unibrow and planet of the ape legs you’re sporting. Ahhh the memories, they still give me douche chills. Way way back in my day there wasn’t social media to share your feelings, to have some validation that you’re not crazy. You had to suffer in your smelly, hairy life alone while two human beings look to you for EVERYTHING. But you’re lucky, having all those people telling you all those feelings are ok. It is the best part of life today, you get to know you are not alone.
Let me give you some sage advice. This too shall pass, but not before tug of wars, screaming fits in public and some all-out battles between those sweet little angels you love so much. You’re going to feel outnumbered, because you are. They will conspire and use your love for them against you. You have to be strong, don’t let them win. From now on it’s their job to try and get away with shit, it’s your job to catch them. No hard feelings, it is what it is. Ok, here are the few things I would have done over or at least more often.
- Who gives a rat’s ass if the house is clean? No one but you, oh and your aunt. She has OCD issues so only worry when she is coming over, and that’s what, two, three times a year? Enjoy your babies. It goes so damn fast.
- Have a glass of wine in the middle of the day sometimes. Don’t get sloshed, but get relaxed enough to think finger painting with pudding is fun. Those are things they will remember. Well, not the drinking, just the fun.
- Shit is going to go wrong, all the time. Things will break, meltdowns will happen, try not to be so hard on yourself. Let it go. Like that stupid cat poster “hang in there baby” it does get better. Right around 24 when they move out.
- Find friends going through the same thing. Find someone like you who thinks fart jokes are funny and who doesn’t care if the kids are sparkling like Mr. Clean. Someone who looks as greasy as you do. This person will be your ally, they will be on your team.
- Last but not least, thank you mother for not leaving you on the curb when you and your brother were fist fighting in the back seat of the car for the 100th time. It will make her day. (Ok, fine, I threw that one in for myself.)
Just remember, my dear daughter, it’s all temporary and one day your sweet loving little girl will be worried she isn’t doing right by her children, and you will have the chance to tell her how amazing, loving and smelly she truly is!
About the author: Kim Alfano Paciotti is a single mother of 4 and grandmother of 2. Although no one lives with her anymore, (whoo hooo) all her sweet babies live close to home. She has three awesome daughters and one sweet son. Her beautiful granddaughter and grandson are nice and close so she can spoil them, hop them up on sugar and send them home.
She was a stay at home mom, for the most part, until the youngest was in school full time and realized she would rather go to the after-school program than come home. She went to work full time at a University to pay for their college education (always an angle with her) . After they were all done, she moved to a job that actually gave a real paycheck and now she works for a nonprofit in IT. You can find her at https://www.facebook.com/kimpaciotti and https://twitter.com/KimPaciotti
