When the BLUNTmoms writers realized we were about to surpass a million views on this here website you’re currently reading, we all jumped up and down and gave each other big, squishy, celebratory boob hugs. Well, everyone except Anne, our copy editor, who stood on the sidelines with her whip, ready to crack it at the first person to improperly place punctuation outside of quotes.

Once the hugging situation was under control, Magnolia, our beloved editor-in-chief, posed the following question: What would you love to have a million of, and why? (And we agreed no one was allowed to say “dollars.”)

And here’s how the BLUNTmoms answered:

  • A million Xanax – by Tara of Don’t Lick the Deck.   
  • A million grains of salt so I could buff up my old vag. – by Lynn of Nomad Mom Diary.
  • A million wine corks because wine. No seriously, because if I had a million wine corks it would mean I had a really good time. Or that I have a lot of headaches in which case I’d need a million Tylenol. – by Jill of Ripped Jeans and Bifocals.
  • A million Pieces of high quality dark chocolate, pre-wrapped in foil like for little drug deals. – by Jenny Kavensky.
  • A million pairs of granny panties because have you SEEN me in granny panties? Settle down, fellas. – by Sarah of Est. 1975.
  • A million mittens because kids suck in the winter. – by Tiffany of My Dirt.
  • A million air miles! So we can start travelling as a family. I want my kids to be better travelled than I ever was. Which shouldn’t be tough because we our summer vacations were spent camping 15 minutes from home. – by Shawna of Dovetail Blog.
  • A million extra minutes in a day. There is never enough time to get everything done! – by Carrie of Ponies and Martinis.
  • A million cc’s of fat (can be organically sourced or peeled out of the Wendy’s fryer) injected into my deflated balloon A-Cup tits. – by Brooke of Miss Teen Ussr.
  • A million hours of maid/butler/chef/general serventry to cater to my every whim. Actually to the whims of my demanding children while I watch Netflix. – by Tara of Don’t Lick the Deck.
  • A budget of a million calories a day before you gain weight. Because wine, chocolate, beer, chocolate, vodka and chocolate. – by Kristine of Mum Revised.
  • A million hours of peaceful sleep in a crisp, clean and comfy bed. – by Shannon of Martinis and Motherhood.
  • I want a million of Brooke Takhar’s ideas (see above, and all Brooke’s posts) – by Angila of Detached from Logic.
  • Oh my god I want to speak a million languages! – by Cordelia of Multilingual Mama.
  • A million pairs of jeans in various sizes to accommodate my ever changing weight gain because mid-40’s yo. – by Jessica of The Dalai Mama.
  • A million pairs of kids underwear so I NEVER HAVE TO CLEAN A SHITTY PAIR OF UNDERWEAR EVER AGAIN! – by Tiffany of My Dirt.
  • One million tiny Tyrannosaurus Rex figurines….all wearing hand knitted, mini dinosaur outfits. – by Ashley of Smashley Ashley.
  • A million more people to vaccinate their children. – by Magnolia of Magnolia Ripkin.
  • A million religious fundamentalists converted to rational thought and inspired to proselytise their newly discovered sanity. – by Cordelia of Multilingual Mama.
  • A million acres of nice land somewhere with trees and sunshine, and a house right in the middle with a giant four seasons greenhouse living space with my Jacuzzi in it. – by Anne of Food Retro.
  • A million books that aren’t 50 shades of grey. – by Magnolia of Magnolia Ripkin.
  • A million rolls of toilet paper because my husband sucks at life! – by Tiffany of My Dirt.
  • A million second chances. – by Sarah of Seven Little Mexicans.
  • A million minutes with my grand-mere to introduce her to my kids; to ask her all the things I didn’t think to ask while she was alive, and to have a chance to say goodbye. – by Cordelia of Multilingual Mama.
  • A million recipe to try out… a million instruments to play… a million books to read, a million additional hours in the day. – by Olga of European Mama.
  • A million active PTO members so I can finally stop working on every event. – by Alison of Please Stop Putting Crackers Down My Shirt.
  • I like to give a million of something: a million thanks for having you all in my life. – by Pamela of Divorce Doula.


It’s good to be a BLUNTmom.

What thing would you like to have a million of? Tell us in the comments!


Kristen Mae is a novelist, freelancer, classical musician, and artist. Follow her on Abandoning Pretense, and check out her books, Beyond the Break and Red Water, available now at most online booksellers.


  1. Andrea Lamont Reply

    I’d love a million minutes of housecleaning help (a maid 😉 )

  2. A million invisible-but-mighty cherubs fluffing up my crow’s feet and pinning up my sagging jowls. But where do you find invisible cherubs these days??

  3. A million more fucks given for people and animals in the world that are suffering because we think they are here for our twisted ideas of entertainment and exploitation for the almighty dollar! (Real cheery, Mary, way to go! How about a million “lighten the fuck up pills” you Debbie Downer) hahahaha!!! <3

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