Last week was one of the two most important weeks in fashion: New York Fashion Week. While the Kardashians and Wintours of the world might be a fan of the latest collections, I couldn’t help but think that the scene would be quite different if we moms were in charge.  After all, while the fashion industry only celebrates twice a year, moms around the country revel in our particular brand of fashion year-round. We proudly don our Target leggings to schlep our kids to soccer, go grocery shopping in our husbands’ hoodies and run after our toddlers in only the most elegant of sneakers. If moms ran Fashion Week, here is what it would look like:

Look 1: Don’t be afraid to over-accessorize!

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First up is me, Jen, clad in the latest in sleepwear, smudged glasses, and hair that screams “I’ve given up!” I don’t know why I bothered to buy necklaces with my children’s initials when I could just wear my kids; the human and feline kind, of course. (Jen Simon, jensimonwriter.com)

Look 2: The perfect Day to Night look 

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Speaking of wearing your kids, the thing that’s great about it is that the outfit transitions well from day to evening. Wait, did I say great? I meant RIDICULOUS. Nice work, Kate. (Kate Parlin, Shakespeare’s Mom)

Look 3: Mom boobs

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Tara poses with the must-have accessory to any mom outfit – a pair of kick-ass sunglasses. Oh yeah, and a tie-dye clad baby. Tie-dye is back in this year. So are boobs. Boobs never go out of style. (Tara Wood,
Love Morning Wood)

Look 4: Winterwear

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Alexandra dubbed this rarely seen shot of socks over sweatpants “colonial pantaloons”. (Alexandra Rosas
Good Day Regular People)

Look 5: Creatures of habit

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Ashley proudly hits the jogging trail with the only water bottle she can find: her son’s Spiderman one. (Ashley Brown Allen, Big Top Family)

Look 6: Boho-chic

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With her maxi dress to hide unshaven legs; slippers; and a giant mug of coffee, it looks like Lea is going for an Everymom quality until –boom- she sports the piece de resistance that catapults her to Legend status: sunglasses *over* her glasses. (Lea Grover, Becoming Supermommy)

Look 7: Gender-bender

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Jessica no longer answers to ‘Mom’; from now on, call her ‘Kevin’. (Jessica Cobb, Domestic Pirate)

Look 8: Facial art is the new black

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Is this a goatee? Bling? Elizabeth isn’t sure what her daughter was aiming for, but it’s colorful and defies gender norms – perfect for any runway or run to Target! (Elizabeth Ryan Catalano, Zoe Vs The Universe)

Look 9: A little BLING

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Charlotte models cheap, flimsy, turn-your-ear-green ‘Fashion Jewelry’, lovingly picked out (and insisted on being worn) by her daughter. (Charlotte McMullen, Ruckus Girl)

Look 10: Backstage look

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Just like models, moms often get their hair done by a stylist. Here’s a shot of Wendy with hers. (Wendy Cray Kaufman, ABCs & Garden Peas)

Look 11: Ready to wear run

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Sneakers: all day, every day. Necessary for running after a toddler who sprints at the speed of light and always in a direction opposite from where Jocelyn needs him to go, go, go, GONE! (Jocelyn Jane Cox, The Home Tome)

Look 12: You’re never fully dressed without….

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Ending our fashion show is Amy, with the most essential mom accessory all of: WINE. (Amy Block Hunter,
The Outnumbered Mother)

 

About the author: Jen Simon writes about motherhood, depression, sex, pop culture, and feminism. In addition to BLUNTmoms, her work has been featured on The Huffington Post, Babble, Scary Mommy, Lifetime Moms, Your Tango, and many more. Her fourth anthology will be available later this year. While she writes about serious topics, Jen‘s also a pretty funny lady. Her tweets and Facebook posts have been included in funniest round-ups from Babble, Today Parents, and The Huffington Post. Follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/jensimonwriter and on Twitter at @NoSleepInBklyn. Her website is JenSimonWriter.com

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5 Comments

  1. ha ha! I bet more men would show up at fashion week if Mom Boobs was really a thing! 😉

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