I’m just going to be straight with you.

I am one of *those* moms. 

Let me clarify, because “*those* moms” come in many different varieties. The Helicopter Moms. The Tiger Moms. The Stuck Up Moms. The Granola Moms. The Moms That Want to be Your Best Friend Forever Based Solely on the Fact that You’ve Both Harvested Some Womb Fruit. 

I’m not any of those.

What I am, however, is the “One and Done Mom.”

Picture this: you’re at the park wrangling your multiple children, and maybe some of your friends’ children, and possibly even some children you’ve never seen before today. Not to worry; you’ve got the situation under control. Handled. It’s hard work, but make no mistake, you’re getting it done. And you’re doing it all with a stoic smile, nerves of steel, and just a few dainty beads of sweat dotting your pretty forehead.

That’s when you see me.

Yep. There I am. Just standing there. Over by the swing set, smart phone in hand. I’ve probably got a look of boredom and distraction on my face as I watch my kid.

My. One. Single. Kid.

You approach me, and we make our introductions. Idle chatter as is standard park fare. Your eyes are darting everywhere, trying to keep track of all your charges, but you are still managing to focus on the conversation at hand. You inquire as to my son’s age. I inquire as to the ages of the kids in your brood. We exchange details about school and church. We act concerned as one of our children face plants in the mulch, then chuckle about it behind our hands.

And that’s when it happens. That’s when I become one of *those* moms. 

I start complaining. 

“My son just never stops talking. Seriously. He just talk talk talks all day long. Even after we put him to bed, he talks. It’s just CONSTANT NOISE! Well… I’m sure *you* know what I mean.” 

“I am always SO exhausted. I don’t know how you moms with more than one kid DO IT! I get home at the end of the day and it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open. I feel like such a lazy bum.”

“Getting him ready for school in the morning borders on the impossible. He drags his feet, won’t get dressed, takes a thousand hours to eat breakfast. It’s just such a drama.”

“I feel like all I do is laundry. The minute I finish a load, there are three more just waiting there. Well, I guess it’s a blessing in disguise because that’s the only time I manage to get any exercise, am I right?”

Oh, and don’t even get me started on sex with my husband. Ever since my son was born we’re lucky if we have sex two or three times a we— hey! Where are you going?”

Where are you going? Away. That’s where you’re going.

You round up your kids with a sharp “WE’RE LEAVING.” You muscle them into the car with almost superhuman strength. You buckle them into their seats with a speed and agility you have never before possessed and will never possess again. You plan to get as far away as you can go, as fast as your battered minivan can take you there. Because constant noise? Uh, yeah. You’re familiar. Exhaustion? Please–you haven’t had four straight hours of sleep in ten years. Laundry? For real. And don’t even start about getting the kids ready for school. There’s more order and timeliness in a god damn race riot.

And sex? What’s sex? A new brand of diaper?

You jam your key into the ignition and screeeeeeeeeee out of the parking lot like nothing less than an undead horde has crested the hill behind you. A forgotten diaper bag sails off of the roof and into the wind, but you glance back in your rearview mirror with complete and utter detachment. Your flinty eyes say “I’m not coming back for you, diaper bag. Best to just forget me.”

And me? I’m already dead to you. A One and Done Mom may be entitled to her complaints, but the time, the place, and the context have got to be right. I chose an overwhelmed mother of many, at a crowded park in the middle of the day, and didn’t have the decency to offer her a Martini from my plastic playground set.

I chose poorly.


Sarah (est. 1975)


Sarah del Rio is a comedy writer whose award-winning humor blog est.1975 brings snark, levity, and perspective to the ladies of Generation X. Despite being a corporate refugee with absolutely no formal training in English, journalism, or writing of any kind, Sarah earns her daily bread as a freelance writer and editor. She has also contributed to several anthologies, including I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone, the latest installment in the national-bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series. Sarah contributes regularly to BLUNTMoms and has made frequent appearances on The Huffington Post Best Parenting Tweets of the Week List. She has also been featured on Scary Mommy, In the Powder Room, and the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop. You can also follow Sarah on her blog est.1975 and on Facebook and Twitter.


  1. The way I figure it, just because we didn’t have momnesia doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to kvetch. Besides, as I hear it from friends with 2+, having two isn’t much different than one… it’s just twice as long. 🙂

    • I think we’re allowed to kvetch… but then I think there’s a time where the kvetching gets tedious for the poor woman on the other side of the table. I’ve got a friend with a toddler, a preschooler, a pre-Kindergartener, and a Kindergartener – and ahother one on the way! My laundry problems with my one 6yo PALE in comparison 😛

      By the way, come cook dinner for me. I’m EXHAUSTED.

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  3. Oh, Sarah. Since our second rolled around, I have been KEENLY aware of how different two is from one. And I am completely dumbstruck at the moms with more kids than me. I envy you one-and-dones, in my direst of moments. So you choose poorly. But you know what’s awesome? You admitting it. That negates anything that came before. And you know what else? Those of us over-worked, over-needed moms? We did it do ourselves. It’s not like someone FedExed that horde of diapers and whining to us one day. We picked our poisons, all X-number of them. Don’t feel too bad. 🙂 xxx+o

    • “We picked our poisons, all X-number of them.”

      WELL… this is true 🙂

      Still, I actually heard myself say “I HAD TO BUY *TWO* LOAVES OF BREAD THIS WEEK” to my friend with 5 children. *cringe*

  4. More than one? It’s just a juggle. Three kids in 3 different directions for soccer games on Saturday? You pawn one off on a friend and divide and conquer. See, you’re down to one again. But really, whether you have one kid or six, we’re all moms. But honestly, I don’t know how people with even more do it. I have a friend from college with 10. I guess we all get used to our own individual situations. 🙂

    • Hey Michelle! Thanks for reading!

      “But honestly, I don’t know how people with even more do it.”

      I know. My friends with 4 and 5 seem like absolute Mom juggernauts. And they still manage to do other things too… volunteer, work, have emotions and friendships and relationships and stuff, you know the deal. It’s amazing what they do!

  5. I have two myself, both teenagers BTW. I remember those days and I am always thankful that I didn’t have two like my oldest because it would have sent me running for my life. Great post! Thanks for the laugh this early in the morning!

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  7. Your article had me in stitches! So hilarious! I love it 🙂
    Glad to see another intelligent mom of the “one and done” club!
    I’m looking forward to reading more of your articles.

  8. thats me, 3yo and done , wondering in amazement how moms of 3 under 4 do it xD

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