This season Manulife is creating a movement of gratitude and paying it forward kindness during the Christmas season. We hope that by sharing our stories (as varied as they are) of #LifeAdvice and #gratitude we can amplify the conversation and encourage more people to think of sharing these types of kind gestures over the holidays.
Life advice sometimes comes to you in funny ways, and while some of our stories may seem a little strange, they all contain advice that we feel strongly about. BLUNTmoms is here to show that even on a bad day, there is something good that can occur, and that simple things sometimes make the biggest impact in your life
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When I first heard the word “therapy”, I was shocked. No, clearly my beautiful, perfect little girl did not need therapy! But we set up an appointment and went. As it turned out, the therapist didn’t swallow us whole, nor did she shove medications down my daughter’s throat. She simply said, “Your daughter needs help” and we started seeing her every week. The cause was a delay in my girl’s gross motor skills. We were shown exercises and told to do them at home. It soon became apparent that the therapy was helping and that my little girl was making progress at last. How happy I was when she finally took her first steps at 22 months!
But the fact remained that I was in denial at first when my in-laws told me that physical therapy would be a good idea. And I am hardly alone. I sometimes hear that from parents: “Oh no, he doesn’t have autism, he’s just so sensitive” or “She doesn’t need therapy, she’s spirited” or “He is just the wild type.” And they could be right, but how would they know for sure, without even getting the child checked out by a specialist?
Because sometimes, you may feel that everything is fine and it isn’t. Or maybe there is a little voice telling you that your child is developing differently than others. Maybe a family member, a doctor, even a stranger tells you that there may be something “wrong” with your child. Before you go into defense mode, please consider that they could be right.
I know you are probably worried about putting labels on your child. I know you think about all the testing that can ensue and the months and years of therapy and how it will affect your family. I know you are scared. I also know about the stigma attached to therapy. But the fact is that your child may need help and there is nothing wrong about that.
If there is a disorder, a behavioral or psychological problem, it will be noticed. Necessary action will be taken, whether it is therapy, diet, medication, or simple exercises the parents can do at home.
In a society that expects mothers to always know best and have some kind of mythical magical power called mothering instinct, it can be extremely encouraging to know that we’re not supposed to know everything. To rest calm that there are people who are specially trained to take care of children like yours and mine. Who want to make sure that all the children who need help will get it. They’re therapists, psychologists, pediatricians and psychiatrists. They are here to help you and your child get better.
There is absolutely no shame in needing therapy. Just think about it: sometimes you need medicine, a special diet or certain type of exercise to become well. Your children are no different, it’s just that they cannot tell you with great detail what is wrong with them. And, while you may know a lot about your kids, you cannot know everything. You may want to protect your feelings and your child from all these appointments and testing. Medication can be a very difficult topic for some. But they are sometimes necessary and useful.
I know that it is extremely uncomfortable to hear the word “therapy” in the same sentence together with your child’s name. I know you think your child is perfect and hate it when someone makes it seem otherwise.
But I beg you, if someone does tell you that your kid could benefit from it, don’t ignore it, even if your “instincts” contradict this advice. Don’t be in denial. Pick up the phone and make that call. Go to that appointment. Do it right now. And you will walk out knowing either that your child is getting the help he or she needs, or you will walk out knowing that you were right all along and there was nothing to worry about. In any case you won’t regret it.
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Visit the Manulife blog for more details on what they are doing to share gratitude this month, or pop onto the #LifeAdvice hashtag on Twitter and start sharing the best life advice YOU have received!
This post is sponsored by SPLASH Media Engagement on behalf of Manulife.
@Manulife is asking you to spread some positive by thanking those in your life who have given you great #LifeAdvice. Take a moment to #PayItForward by thanking someone important to you.
4 Comments
It’s so true, therapy can make a huge impact and I am so grateful for the help my kiddos have received. They also have such a healthy take on therapy. No stigma at all. No shame. My son said the other day “I’m glad I have dyslexia, it means I get extra help (he has a language tutor) and I have a special brain that thinks in a different way. He’s bright and creative and doesn’t think of it as a disability at all. We all need something. No shame in that.
Find a doctor you trust. Do your research. Talk to the specialist, and if they are off-hand or dismissive of your concerns, talk to someone else.
Remember that doctors, teachers, and others are not God. They don’t know your child the way you do. Self-examination is important- you don’t want to fall into the trap of being that mom who’s CONVINCED something’s wrong with her child when actually they’re just expressing normal developmental phases, but you also don’t want to be that mom who ignores the signs.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, is this about me, or about my child? If therapy of some sort, or even medication in some cases, can benefit your child and support his or her development, set aside all your preconceived notions and consider what is best for your kid.
I swore my kids would never be one of the over-medicated ADD/ADHD statistics. And… they’re not. Neither has ADD/ADHD, but, if I hadn’t listened to my daughter’s counselor and considered meds in light of her expert opinion, we might never have come to a diagnosis of anxiety and mild depression, and may have never discovered the medications that help both my teens function effectively.
I was that in-denial mother. Twice. Not because it had anything to do with pride, but because I had my mom-goggles on. And because I’m the one who is known for worrying about things that aren’t even problems. Luckily I did seek advice anyway. Also, as adults recently diagnosed with ADHD my husband and I can’t help but imagine what might have been if we had been diagnosed as kids. Great advice Olga!
Great Story and so important to share. My daughter has needed therapy and my husband and I have also needed therapy on how to manage my daughter and I’m very thankful for it!