Hey there, it’s me, your annoying little brother. I wanted to reach out because I think it’s important we clear a few things up. I hope you take this to heart because, deep down, I really do love you.

I know I embarrass you in front of your friends. I will do anything to make them laugh, even at your expense. I burp and fart and routinely run around naked when you invite them over. To me, it’s a ripe audience to show off my limited entertainment skills to. You are sick of my antics, you know my moves, but they think I’m funny, dare I say even impressed? The level of humiliation will increase in direct proportion to how much attention your friends pay me. Eventually this will wear off, but it may take a few years.

I’m sorry Mom and Dad sometimes expect more out of you where I am concerned. Sometimes you have to help me go potty, read me a book or give me a bath. You reluctantly agree, bribed with the odd piece of candy. I know you’d rather be doing a million other things, but I want you to know how much I love spending time with you.

Thank you for disrupting your routine. I often cramp your weekend plans with my naps and early bedtimes. I see the look of disappointment when you are building a sand castle or swimming at the pool and we have to leave earlier than you’d like. I’m sure you get irritated constantly being told to “be quiet” because I am sleeping at noon on a Saturday. I don’t like naps either, if that’s any consolation.

I appreciate you breaking our parents in. You weathered all their safety concerns and early curfews. You put the slack on the leash I will run with in my teenaged years.  I’d also like to thank you in advance for buying my friends and I beer in high school, and covering for us the next morning when we “have the flu.”

Thanks for eventually teaching me about the birds and bees. I am SO sorry you actually had to have that talk with Mom. I owe you one.

Thanks for taking the fall every time I cry, even if I pinched your inner thigh so hard it eventually leaves a mark. You seem to always get the “he’s younger than you” speech, even when I started it. You get labeled bossy, while I am trying to “find my way.”

I am shocked in the midst of all my bullshit you never outed Santa. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did.

I know at one point you got all the attention. You were the cute and funny one. You were the center of the universe, the one Mom always bragged about. Then I stole your spotlight. My lame crafts have prime real estate on the family fridge; my milestones all over their social media. They laugh when I talk back and you get sent to your room.

I’m the shiny new toy.

I want you to know how much I love you. I look up to you and want to emulate every move you make. It’s a lot of pressure, constantly obligated to show me the ropes. I appreciate the time you give me more than you know, even if you do so with a grunt and an eye roll. Yours is a thankless job. Rest assured it doesn’t go unnoticed.

Yours truly,

Your Little Bro


Julie has a Masters degree in Psychology, which has proved useless in trying to understand her teenaged daughter. She has the attention span of a gnat, zero sense of direction and loses at least 3 things every day. Except for a minor situation at a county fair, her children are not on the short list of items she’s lost. She is extremely proud of this. You can find her writing on Facebook or Twitter. She has been published on the Washington Post, Babble, McSweeney’s, Scary Mommy, and Huffington Post, among others.

Write A Comment

Pin It