The internet is barfing up two opposing eye-roll-worthy lines of thought for how moms should handle summer with the kiddos:
1) HOW TO DO ALL OF THE THINGS TO KEEP YOUR KIDS ENTERTAINED EVERY NANOSECOND!!!
2) HOW TO MAKE YOUR KIDS FIGURE SUMMER OUT ON THEIR OWN LIKE WE DID WHEN WE WERE KIDS AND EVERYTHING WAS WAYYY AWESOMER!!!
If this over-achieving mom debate were happening in real life instead of on the internet, moms would be coming to blows and staining the streets of suburbia with the blood of their convictions. Can we maybe just simmer down a little? Why not combine the two ideas and provide awesome entertainment while being epically lazy all at the same time? All we need is a little creativity…
Here are seven ways to look like an over-achieving mom without doing jack-squat:
- Make your older child read to your younger child. One will be practicing a necessary skill while the other will be developing a love of books, and you literally have to do nothing. Win-win… win. Three wins! That never happens!
- Fill one of those enormous salad bowls full of water, throw a few plastic cups in there, and put it on the back porch. Your kids will think you are so wild and care-free for letting them play with kitchen stuff (and water!!! OMG!!!) outside.
- Make your kids take out the trash (or do any other job you hate and they’re old enough to handle). Make a giant stink about it like they’re your heroes so they feel super-important. You’ll be building their precious egos and teaching important lessons about responsibility while saving the trouble of doing the task yourself.
- Make popsicles by blending bananas and strawberries and throwing them in one of those cheapo popsicle molds. This takes five minutes but your kids will totally think you’re a magician.
- Take a loaf of stale bread to the park and let the kids feed the birds and squirrels while you play on your phone. You’ll get a break and your kids will get Norman Rockwell-style childhood memories.
- Tell your kid you’re going to play “office” together, which consists of your kid doing “important work” (coloring with crayons) while you do “important work” (actually doing important work on your laptop).
- Play a movie for your kids and pop some popcorn. Make a huge deal about it as if you’re doing them a favor, when obviously this really just means approximately 90 minutes of no-kid-time for you.
See? No need to claw each other’s faces off, mommies. We can be productive and lazy at the same time. All we really needed was a few people (like me) who are so fantastically lazy that they’d rather make up some new shit than choose sides and go to battle. You’re welcome.
Now hurry over to the Target Dollar Spot and buy yourself some popsicle molds.