“Thanks for letting me do you,” Captain mumbles as he rolls over to pass back out.

“Oh, trust me, it was my pleasure,” I yawn and snuggle back down under the covers. We scoot back towards each other so our butts touch, I kick a foot out from under the blankets so I don’t sweat to death, and it’s back into the dream I was having prior to our sleepy quickie.

Sex isn’t always in the dark with hastily wiped away drool and sleep bleary eyes with us. But sometimes I just need a freaking nap first.

What’s the one thing you miss the most about your before children sex life? Your pre-baby bod? Doing it anywhere there’s a flat surface that will take your combined weight? Screaming in ecstasy with no worry about who you may be disturbing?

Me? I miss having the energy to spare. Every now and then you can catch me on a good day, when my spirits are high and I haven’t used up my entire caffeine store. I’ll manage to get a shower and emerge with the announcement that I am freshly shaven, armpits included. Oh, Captain knows it’s going down if I have taken the time to feel fresh all-over. A majority of days though, by the time we’ve gotten through homework, dinner, cleanup, and bath time, I’m ready to park my tired ass on the couch and zone out to the familiar storyline of Harry Potter, spoonfuls of peanut butter and chocolate chips being the only things I am interested in putting in mouth.

We’ve all been here, right? I mean, I certainly never thought this would be the routine of marital bliss. But we’ve found a workaround for my lack of romp-power.

It was by happy coincidence that we discovered midnight sex. It was a while after our 2nd child had arrived. I had been up doing a night feeding and accidentally woke Captain as I crawled back into bed and passed immediately back out. Well, he lacked the down-to-the-core exhaustion that enabled my ability to pass out anytime, anywhere, and had trouble falling back asleep. His hands started roaming, teasing me in my sleep. My dream took a 180 from chasing children through a grocery store maze to being cornered and seduced by the baker (who happened to look exactly like Captain). I woke to find myself panty-less, an attentive husband between my legs, and an overwhelming desire to not only let him rock my world, but to knock his socks off in return.

I hadn’t felt that way since pregnancy, when my hormones turned me into an unabashed kinky sex-Goddess. This time though, I had all of the desire and none of the giant baby belly restrictions. We talked about it for days afterwards.

Now, years later and completely done having children, I am less kinky sex-Goddess and more of the ‘massage me first and I’ll let you do me afterwards’ type. I am still very much attracted to my husband. To say we are handsy with one another is a serious understatement. “Hey, you should show me your boobies,” is frequently heard around the Pirate house, along with allusions to BJs, and loads of ass grabbing. It’s just that, more often than not, what my lady parts want and what the rest of my body and my brain are up for are two completely different things.

Most of the time majority rules and I crash, hard and fast, into bed.  Captain will come to bed knowing that the chances of some naked wrestling are slim to none. He’ll cop a feel, heave a sigh, and turn his attention to whatever novel he’s been working on reading.

Captain has never been a fiend, mind you.  We’ve joked for years about his ‘cycle,’ but there’s truth to it.  The day after a good play in the sack, he has a non-interested interest: he passes an appreciative hand over me, knowing that we’ve both recently been satisfied. The 2nd day after, he gets playful, touching and kissing, but not expecting anything to happen. The 3rd day, he becomes serious, doing all the things that he knows will slowly drive me crazy. After the 3rd day, he’ll practically molest me any chance he gets. And once we can enjoy each other, the cycle starts over again. I know when to expect him to need attention, and he knows that most of the time, if he catches me early enough, I am happy to oblige.

But after a long day of mothering, by the time the kids are in bed there really is nothing that sounds better than going to bed myself. To sleep.  Which, after a while, gets very disappointing.

Sometimes though, there’s something about the hour past midnight.

Maybe it’s because we’ve gotten an hour or two of peace, and that’s enough of a consolation for the rest of my body to give up the reigns to my nether regions.  Maybe it’s because it really is only my mind that’s exhausted, and while my mind is wrapped in the fog of sleep my body is allowed to respond to Captain the way it wants. But since the first discovery of successful sleep interrupting coitus, Captain has a tendency of unconsciously coming onto me in his sleep and, if it’s past midnight, it usually works.

I can’t describe the way it feels to wake up curled around your lover’s body.  Being brought out of sleep into physical bliss is one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.  I like to think it means that Captain and I are in tune enough with each other that we don’t need to be conscious to attend to each other’s needs.  Or maybe it just means we’re crazed sex addicts who unfortunately have too many children to indulge in our favorite past time as often as we’d like.

I don’t worry about our dry spells so much anymore. If a bit of heavy petting before dinner gets postponed because I can’t quit yawning, it’s no longer a deal breaker. With a smile and a groping hand, I can kiss Captain goodnight and let him know he should wake me in an hour or two. Rarely does the offer get passed up.

No, our sex life as parents of four kids isn’t what I thought it would be. But maybe just let me take a nap and we can see about fixing that.


About the author: Jessica Cobb writes the blog Domestic Pirate.


Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

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