Lately, I have been inundated with invitations for “leggings” parties both live and online. My 30 something friends just can’t get enough of these festive fashion-forward wardrobe staples. Recently, curiosity got the best of me and I accepted an invitation to a party in a young neighbor’s living room. Details of my experience are sketchy, as I think I blacked out briefly after being hit in the face with monumental sensory overload, including a kaleidoscope of colors, booze and giddy women. While standing in a room full of young moms wearing patterned leggings and loose tops, buying more, more, more….all I could think was “When did Gymboree start making clothes for grownups?” Let me tell you, no amount of wine poured at these parties will make me look good in pink paisley patterned leggings. Don’t get me wrong, they look great on the younger set.
After all, they’re fun! they’re comfy! But here are a few reasons why LuLaRoe is a big Lu-La-No for me.
1. I’m at the end of my 40’s and while in some ways I’ve never felt better about myself, let’s just say that on my Oprah-inspired journey to becoming my ” best self”, my “baggage” contents have shifted in flight. Gravity has taken over and things just aren’t where they used to be. … and by things, I mean all of my body parts, especially the jiggly ones. Sure, a pretty patterned sausage casing might help re-distribute things back to their original and upright position, but that’s not a chance I’m willing to take.
2. I’m a fitness instructor and I should be comfortable in my skin and really, I am. Which is why I feel I need for the generation behind me to understand my plight. To me, spandex represents exercise, workouts, Jane Fonda (Google her) and Xanadu (Google that). I grew up “getting physical” with Olivia Newtown-John (Google her too) while wearing spandex. So I hope you’ll understand that in my mind, just because I “can” wear spandex to the dentist and the grocery store doesn’t mean I “should”.
3. The late ‘80s and early ‘90s were my heyday….you know: stirrup pants tucked into slouchy socks, tucked into Reebok Princess high top sneakers with the epic Firenze shaker knit sweater on top . That uniform was awesome in college because it meant comfort every day, 24/7, and was especially accommodating while guzzling beer and chowing on chips and dip from 7-Eleven. However this comfort came with a price when the dreaded junior year internship interview rolled around and I realized just how many pounds I packed on when my skirt wouldn’t zip and jacket wouldn’t button. Leggings are just a scary reminder of those days and the David Copperfield illusion they created which eventually led to my tragic fashion downfall. Nobody should suffer the horror of being interviewed with their pants unbuttoned. Trust me on this.
4) Pregnancy. Ok, I gave birth 3 times before maternity clothes became cool and form-fitting. Mine were frumpy and flowy. The idea of a “belly belt” so you can wear your pre-prego pants just sounds crazy to me. I couldn’t get my regular jeans over my knees by the 5th month. These new patterned leggings are paired with loose, long tunic tops…..agghhh!!!
Anytime I wear a loose top I question “Do I look pregnant?” I asked my husband recently, to which he laughed, “Yeah right, those wrinkles and dark spots are screaming ‘I’m still open for business!’. No dear, you do not look pregnant, you just look stupid”. Point well taken. While I may not look pregnant, I’d rather not wear something that triggers memories of swollen feet, mood swings and frantic trips to CinnaBon.
So, my dear legging selling friends, while I wish you continued success in spreading comfort and joy throughout suburbia, unless I want to surgically remove the suitcase and carry-on from my backside, I will have to sit this fashion trend out.
About the author: Laura Buchinsky is a part-time Resume Writer and Zumba and Barre Instructor as well as a stay at home mom of three girls. Humor keeps me sane. You can follow her on Facebook.