My 20th high school reunion, that I told you I was considering going to is THIS SATURDAY!!! If you remember, I was waffling about whether I wanted to go to it or not, and my options were:
1. Don’t go.
OR
2. Lose 50 pounds, win the lottery, and publish my bestselling, yet unwritten, book.
Option number 2 was a grand dismal failure as I actually gained 3 pounds (who knew that cheesies, wine and ice cream were not diet foods?), maxed out at least one credit card, and can’t seem to write even a grocery list with the kids around this summer.
But in a moment of complete delusion, perhaps due to a junk food-induced haze, I bought tickets for my husband and me. And as the date closes in, circling like a hungry shark, I have to make a decision.
I wasn’t popular in high school.
I’ll wait while you pick your jaw up off the floor.
In fact most of those years were extremely painful for me since I was bullied by some mean girls, and when I did attempt to make new friends those girls would scare them off. So I have been watching the list carefully to see if any of them are planning on attending. I haven’t seen their names, so I can only assume that their parole officer hasn’t approved the outing. But the bad news is that none of the friends that I did eventually get close with are on the list either. The large majority of people attending are the popular crowd, and if they didn’t know who I was then, I am sure they won’t recognize the new expanded and wrinkly version of me.
Which leads me to my brilliant plan! I can hire actors to go in my place, get all the dirt on everyone, and report back. Meanwhile I get to stay in my yoga pants and hot-fudge stained T-shirt. Who’s the loser now??? Oh yeah. Still me.
But as a writer (stop snickering) I feel an obligation to go, even just for material. For my therapist.
13 Comments
You are soooo funny. And my fav writer ever. Good Luck. You will have fun. You will. Trust me. If not, it will make a GREAT story 🙂
Thank you!! I’m going to go for a bit at least. Mostly for the story-getting 🙂
Go, Tara! GO!
My advice to you? “Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.”
Thanks 🙂
Go to the reunion, bring a note pad, a pen and a small camera from the spy store. Walk around chuckling to yourself, take pictures of them and make notes in your little book all night long. They might as well remember you for something, and the ones who are doing bad things will never sleep a night again.
Revenge level – MASTER
Love it!!!!! Absolutely love it!
Go and own it. You’re freaking fabulous and they should be in awe of your amazingness.
Ha! Thanks Anonymous! I’m going to assume this is George Clooney writing this and you were too shy to sign your name.
I am George Clooney…
Wouldn’t want to pay your therapist for nothing.
Just for fun, don’t wear a bra…or go without gitch! Have fun – great post!
I would like a follow up piece if you want to this event? What happened?
Yes, I guess since the society column missed picking up on it, I’ll have to write it myself! I’ve only just finished rocking in a corner…sorry for the delay!!