Recently I attended a literacy night at my son’s elementary school. The evening featured a presentation by a well-known children’s author. THAT part of the evening I genuinely enjoyed. THAT part of the evening was insightful and inspiring. But…after THAT part of the evening, my irritation began.
From there, we were ushered into classrooms and forced to endure sing-song games with hoards of painfully fake people. I looked around desperate for some confirmation that I wasn’t the only mother with an R-rated inner dialogue.
As I sat and watched everyone else happily participate, all I kept thinking was: this song is fucking terrible, these tiny chairs hurt my fat thighs, the air in here is thick and smells of wet socks and stale farts, and that heat vent blasting on the back of my neck is only making the situation worse.
I’m being totally honest when I admit I’m not the Mom enthusiastically singing, dancing and clapping along to the music. Nor am I the Mom laughing at this song’s painful lyrical jokes. I confess, when my son first asked me to attend, I was hoping he’d forget! And when the night finally came, I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there.
Shit, maybe I’m a terrible mother?
Just when I was about to seek professional treatment for my maternal shortcomings, my husband saved the day. He volunteered at a recent school trip to the zoo and was eager to share the excruciating details. We laughed as he recapped the day’s happenings from the hot smelly bus, to the “spirited child,” and to one father who went to the extreme of wearing a safari shirt and matching hat. “Safari Dad” led the children through a bus ride sing-along and attempted to keep everyone entertained with his family friendly zoo jokes. My husband assured me that he, too, couldn’t wait to get the hell off that damn bus.
Thankfully the school year has finally concluded. My agony of fake enthusiasm is over for another year.
Now – bring on the summer!
Wait…What was that sweetheart? You’re bored?
Fuck!
My Blog: www.threesqueezes123.blogspot.ca
Twitter: @Candace_LL
