Sorry Husband, The Granny Panties Are Staying

I’ve known my husband for a long time, so it’s safe to say that he’s seen me through it all. He’s known me at my absolute peak of sexual perfection of pre-baby tummy and boobs; when sexy undergarments used to make an appearance in our bedroom at least once a week. That was back when everything fit in all the right places and my vagina didn’t try to eat a pair of scantily-clad panties. Bless my poor, sweet husband of now dealing with something that I will never part with: my granny panties.
Ladies, it’s time to take a stand. You know that you love them. They’re big, comfy, and provide maximum coverage to your lady-bits and surrounding regions.

I fucking love my granny panties.

Yeah, they’re not sexy, but they’re damn comfortable. It’s like when men unbutton their jeans after a big meal and let their gut flow free. I feel free in my grannies because my post-baby pooch has room to breathe and my ass isn’t swallowing up some $15 tight pair of VS “boy shorts.” My grannies cover EVERYTHING and that’s kind of a big deal after you have two kids and in no hurry to lose your poochie.

My husband makes fun of my grannies when I bend over and he says “nice granny panties!” We both laugh in unison but really, I’m getting the last laugh because I really don’t give a shit. At the end of a long, tiring day, the last thing I want to do is put on some over-priced piece of garment and pretend to be sexy. Because there is NOTHING sexy about wearing a thong and having your gut flap over the front of it.

My granny panties bring me comfort but also they give me a huge sense of security; they are like my Adult Blankie that no one knows I have on! (Unless I bend over).  I have a few, maybe about 8 pairs, that I collected throughout my pregnancies and have shamelessly never thrown away. I typically wear my grannies during Aunt Flo’s monthly visits however, sometimes I don’t do the laundry on purpose just so I can say “oops, out of my cute panties. Guess I have to wear the grannies.”

I also wear my grannies as a sign of not wanting any sex that night; like, “oh, you’re feeling frisky, husband? Okay, let’s have sex”. My grannies are the equivalent of seeing your Mom naked so he is immediately turned off. I act disappointed as I turn over but I’m really grinning like a cheshire cat. #LazyWifeWin

Ladies, don’t be ashamed of the grannies because you will be getting the last laugh with less itchy vaginas, camel toes and wedgies. Be confident in those granny panties because you make the clothing!

If my husband wants me happy, he damn well better know that my comfort is the key to my happiness.
So sorry husband, but the granny panties are staying.

I’m Laura. A mom to two very energetic little boys that consume all my time and energy. I run a little blog over at https://excusethemesscom.wordpress.com/. I enjoy adult conversation over some coffee. Let’s be friends.