This Vagina is Retired

We all share stuff… but my family? We share EVERY-thing. I truly find it hard to keep things to myself–gifts, surprises or what I ate for lunch.

It’s been said many times that we live in a sharing time, posting everything from our cat poop pics to how we see the same weather everyone else does (Holy Snow!!).

One day, I was excitedly telling  my own story to a friend  of how big my three children were when born.

The birth weights were in order as follows: 9 lbs 10z, 10 lbs 6oz, and 10 lbs 13 oz.

…OK, really, it was 11 lbs.

I birthed them vaginally (no sticker for my chart please… ALL birthing is hard no matter how baby exits your body. In fact, any baby of any weight is a challenge to carry on the inside, outside and/or birth. This is my story. About me. I am no better a birther than anyone. Enough disclaimer here???)

I used to be quite fine with these details – even put it on Facebook, scrap-booked, news-papered. Shared it. Normal. Until my friend disclosed that they’d had a large baby and wouldn’t reveal the weight. Private messaged only. I couldn’t believe it… why??

And then it hit me.

My God.

When people are giving me that “in awe” look, they are actually jaw-dropping.

It’s not them thinking my baby was too big or chubby, cause all babies are adorable. They were envisioning my vagina at work. 

OH God, the horror!

They were thinking: How big can it be??

They wish I was saying triplets added up to 11 pounds. Not a single baby. Not a one-shot deal.

Can vaginas do that? Is it humane? Can I still be friends with her? Did it go back to regular size???

I discovered a new fine line. We can share up to 8 lbs or maybe even up to 9 lb birth weights. But are we ready for people to know our vagina can push out more than a bag of potatoes? Are we evolved enough as a society to acknowledge a wide-load birthing tunnel??

I don’t know.

I always felt like a superhero after birthing. All that adrenaline. But when the midwives told me how big the kids were, even I was taken aback. And honestly, when you watch the video so were they.

I didn’t want to know my body could open up that wide.

I also knew third baby at 11 lbs was the last, as they had been progressively getting bigger. I knew if we were to go again, the next child could get me news coverage.

A bald eagle weighs 12 lbs. Even my super-vagina can’t cope with that wingspan. This vagina is retired.